Monday, September 29, 2008

Update

Thank you to everyone who has been so incredibly supportive of my newest adventure-Foster Care! The piles of paperwork are done, the fingerprints are submitted, the doctor signed my clearance and my electrical outlets are covered. My home visit was today and now the worker just has to write up the report. He said that I should be licensed within the next couple weeks. Please keep praying and know that I am so incredibly thankful for your friendship and support (All 13 reference letters brought tears to my eyes!). Yesterday, I was second guessing/overthinking/being pessimistic and out of the blue a waitress started telling me about how she had been in foster care between the ages of 2-4 and now at the age of 24, she wants to find her foster mom and thank her for the huge impact she had on her life. She didn't know me, she didn't know my thoughts...but God did.

Also...strangely enough...my fortune cookie today said "Children will play an important role in your life". As if they already don't... I know this is probably going to be the most difficult thing I've ever done...it's going to tax my patience, skills and faith...It's going to force me to step outside of myself and completely lose my false sense of control. I can't wait.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Stepping out...

The garden is in full bloom but there are signs that Fall is here. Some of the leaves are fading, the roses are slow to flower and the tomatoes are plentiful. I love this time of year --the temperature is perfect, the holidays are just around the corner and I can just sit back and the garden is established. I tend to dread the slow approach of winter however-the thought of all my beautiful, carefully tended plants breathing their last is always difficult for me. Some just hold their breath til Spring but others are no more. For any overly involved gardener, that's a rough time. I saw this quote today though that put it all into perspective..." To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.” George Santayana ~~~
My desire for this week is to see the beauty and embrace each day. To be content and full of appreciation for this season whatever tomorrow brings.







Friday, September 5, 2008

Quandaries...




Last spring, I was thrilled to find seeds for lime green zinnias. I bought purple, pink and the lime green ones and planted the seeds very carefully. I had a pattern of color in my head that I just knew was going to be great. Well, nothing happened. Okay, not nothing, but only the purple and pink ones. My vision was not to be. Bummer. Then, all of a sudden this summer- Waa LAA! (Is that how you spell it?) A great lime green zinnia. Okay, Lord, I get it. Wait and You'll do it in your timing. Did I mention that it came up in a completely different area than I planted it? Again, Okay, I get it. Your ways not mine. Things may look completely different than I had planned but can still be just as beautiful. Then I see this one. Soooo amazing. The picture doesn't do it justice. It is the only white morning glory with purple stripes. It completely stands out and completely fits in. The purple is the exact same color tone as the Russian Sage it is climbing. You may be asking, Megan, Why are you reading so much into the flowers in your yard? There is a method to my madness. Okay, maybe not a method but a reason. As long as I can remember, God has spoken to my family through flowers. When my Mom lost a dear dear friend a couple years ago, the Lord gave her an incredible hydrangea bloom that this friend knew she wanted. When I was a kid and my precious dog passed away, a single daffodil bloomed above where she was buried the year after she died. I'm not getting all foo foo or anything, but I do believe that God speaks to us in ways that only we can understand. That's how well He knows us and how much He wants us to get what He has to say to us. How incredible is that?

I am confused right now. Not upset, not sad, not agitated. Just contemplative. For several years, I've been playing with the idea of foster care. I've always believed that I would adopt some day. I remember as a little girl that some of my dolls were biological children and some joined my doll family through adoption. I'm sure at the time, I'd have probably described that in a much less PC way but you get the picture. I've also worked with kids and families for my whole career so adoption and foster care is not something foreign to me at all. I always assumed that I would meet Mr. Perfect and have babies and adopt some babies and live happily ever after. Well, I do feel like I am in the happily ever after but the first two wishes just haven't materialized. So what's a single girl in her mid 30's to do? I have never been one of those people that think, "Gee, I think it would be great to be a single parent". I believe strongly that children need two parents. But then I see so many kids that don't even have one.

People that know me well, know that the theme verse for the last several years has been, "Wait for the Lord". I have been. Not patiently but willingly. In the last several months, I've been feeling a tug toward foster care-maybe that is my path. I don't want to step for a moment outside God's will for me and I do not want to not step out in faith. See my quandary?

Monday, September 1, 2008

Lessons from the Dog Whisperer






I spent the first part of today cleaning out my closet (with Eminem lyrics in my head) and bagging up clothes for the Goodwill. While I sat on the floor and went through my drawers, I was thrilled to find a Dog Whisperer marathon on the National Geographic Channel. I totally heart the Dog Whisperer. After watching several episodes of him telling ridiculous (very much like me) dog owners to "Be the pack leader and exude calm, assertive energy", I got the perfect opportunity to try out my new skills. Tammy called and asked if we wanted to go meet them at the park and play tennis. I just knew that the 3 hours I spent absorbing Caesar's wisdom would pay off. My dogs would be miraculously transformed by my new peaceful demeanor and The psycho fencing bumping dogs down the street would be no match for my tranquil attitude. Lately I've been using a connector dealiebob to take the dogs on a walk using just one leash. I hadn't ever seen the Dog Whisperer use one and despite my initial excitement, I understand why. Picture dogs jumping over each other, getting caught on either side of posts, trees, mailboxes etc. During my epic closet cleaning adventure this morning, I'd uncovered a leash that I had thought was long gone. This created yet another way I could use my new found knowledge. I got the leashes on the dogs and was repeating to myself, "Calm and Assertive". If you have to repeat it, I'm guessing you aren't feeling it, in hindsight. Anyway, I opened the door and forgot the first lesson immediately (you go out first, dogs follow you)...oh well. Anyway, I spent the first 3 blocks doing the DW hiss and jerking them away from everything. My calm, assertive attitude was quickly dissipating along with the feeling in my hands. But an amazing thing happened at some point in block 4, the dogs fell in line! There was slack in each leash and they were happily trotting next to me. It wasn't perfect, we definately stopped more times to "water the plants" than I would like, but it was seriously incredible. It really works... On the way home, I was thinking about how nice it was to walk without tension and have a peaceful, relaxing walk. It reminded me of my walk with God-- how many times do I bolt out the door without stopping to make sure He wants me to go? In order to find peace, the dogs needed to be on a short leash that was independant of anyone else. This part really got me... They needed to be close enough to feel a quick reminder tug in order to stay on the path. If one of them got distracted by something they didn't need to focus on, I just gave them a quick tug and a verbal reminder and they looked forward and walked the path I had for them. They had to respect that I was the leader and trust that I knew where we were going. How many times do I ignore that still small voice when I'm looking elsewhere? Both dogs are now passed out on the floor after thoroughly enjoying our walk. I feel like we all had a breakthrough. Tomorrow, my goal is to respond to each little tug and keep my eyes on the path before me.