Friday, September 5, 2008

Quandaries...




Last spring, I was thrilled to find seeds for lime green zinnias. I bought purple, pink and the lime green ones and planted the seeds very carefully. I had a pattern of color in my head that I just knew was going to be great. Well, nothing happened. Okay, not nothing, but only the purple and pink ones. My vision was not to be. Bummer. Then, all of a sudden this summer- Waa LAA! (Is that how you spell it?) A great lime green zinnia. Okay, Lord, I get it. Wait and You'll do it in your timing. Did I mention that it came up in a completely different area than I planted it? Again, Okay, I get it. Your ways not mine. Things may look completely different than I had planned but can still be just as beautiful. Then I see this one. Soooo amazing. The picture doesn't do it justice. It is the only white morning glory with purple stripes. It completely stands out and completely fits in. The purple is the exact same color tone as the Russian Sage it is climbing. You may be asking, Megan, Why are you reading so much into the flowers in your yard? There is a method to my madness. Okay, maybe not a method but a reason. As long as I can remember, God has spoken to my family through flowers. When my Mom lost a dear dear friend a couple years ago, the Lord gave her an incredible hydrangea bloom that this friend knew she wanted. When I was a kid and my precious dog passed away, a single daffodil bloomed above where she was buried the year after she died. I'm not getting all foo foo or anything, but I do believe that God speaks to us in ways that only we can understand. That's how well He knows us and how much He wants us to get what He has to say to us. How incredible is that?

I am confused right now. Not upset, not sad, not agitated. Just contemplative. For several years, I've been playing with the idea of foster care. I've always believed that I would adopt some day. I remember as a little girl that some of my dolls were biological children and some joined my doll family through adoption. I'm sure at the time, I'd have probably described that in a much less PC way but you get the picture. I've also worked with kids and families for my whole career so adoption and foster care is not something foreign to me at all. I always assumed that I would meet Mr. Perfect and have babies and adopt some babies and live happily ever after. Well, I do feel like I am in the happily ever after but the first two wishes just haven't materialized. So what's a single girl in her mid 30's to do? I have never been one of those people that think, "Gee, I think it would be great to be a single parent". I believe strongly that children need two parents. But then I see so many kids that don't even have one.

People that know me well, know that the theme verse for the last several years has been, "Wait for the Lord". I have been. Not patiently but willingly. In the last several months, I've been feeling a tug toward foster care-maybe that is my path. I don't want to step for a moment outside God's will for me and I do not want to not step out in faith. See my quandary?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I loved your analogies. Beautiful.

I was twenty five when we first started foster care. We were told by everyone not to (too young, kids were too young, blah blah). I don't know if in our heads it is ever the perfect time/situation.

It's what God puts in your heart that you rely on. It's a leap of faith.

I will pray for God to give you wisdom in this. You have such a large heart for children...and He is already using you in some amazing ways.

D.

Anonymous said...

It can be scary to step in faith, hoping it's the right direction and that you've understood correctly. Only you know what your heart hears but I believe that taking some action in faith often yields a clearer picture. Try making some small steps and listen carefully. I sometimes ask for clearer direction (cause sometimes it takes me a bonk to the head to figure things out!) Thankfully God is persistent!
I love the pictures of your garden!