The little one is so incredible. He is now rolling over, giggling at my horrible singing voice and has the cutest cheeks you've ever seen. His social worker said today that they have located a family for him. She didn't tell me anything else but said she'd call me in the morning to fill me in. Surprisingly, I didn't immediately have a pit in my stomach or a pang of jealousy. A low grade sadness that what we've shared in the last two months is coming to an end. But what I do feel is a joy that is unspeakable that the tiny, scared, bony baby that I brought home 2 months ago will soon be joining a family as a healthy, chubby, laughing little boy. I know I will probably be a mess when the day finally comes but I am so very glad I have the opportunity. A very wise foster/adoptive mom once said that at times like this, she likes to think of the quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, In Memoriam: 27, 1850:
2008 wasn't a bad year---not the best but definately not the worst. I am filled with gratitude, peace and hope as I look forward to the coming year. It's amazing to me that no matter what happens, good or bad, when paired with time, God's hand is so evident in everything. I don't beleive that God plans or causes bad things to happen to us but I have been blessed to witness His amazing ability to mold the outcome into blessings. Because of that, I can exhuberently look for His miracles this year.
My resolutions are to exercise more, spend more time in God's word and try to be more organized. If I'm not mistaken, they are pretty similar to last year's. Oh well... I'm a magnificent mess. I'm okay with that. I do want to really focus on simplifying my life. I don't mean making things easier necessarily, I mean figuring out priorities and doing what is really important. I'm hoping to be more able to let go of the things that either don't matter in the grand scheme of things or that I truly can't change anyway.
Sorry if this post is disjointed, every few minutes I have to get up and put the baby's binky back in his mouth. It's interesting. He's so very tired but relies heavily on the small green rubber pacifier to give him a sense of calm and ease about falling asleep. He doesn't really need it, he often falls asleep without it but at night when he's really tired, if the binky falls out of his mouth, his eyes pop right open. He falls asleep just enough to relax a bit and loses the binky and his hold on sleep simultaneously. I can't help but think about what I rely on that is a false sense of security. What is my pacifier and what kind of true calm is it keeping from me?
Anyway, enough deep thoughts...
Christmas was wonderful. We played in the snow, relaxed in front of the fire and relished time with wonderful friends. I've got tons of great pictures of the Little One but can't post them due to confidentiality. Just know, he's doing so well! He's now 10lbs 6oz and smiling up a storm. He rolled over today for the first time while playing with his baby gym! It's been beautiful the last few days and we went to the park with Erika, Jayden, Tammy, Ro and Maya. What fun!