Thursday, February 26, 2009

Quote of the Day

I read this statement today. I think this is where joy starts.

"Christians today like to play it safe. We want to put ourselves in situations where we are safe 'even if there is no God.' But if we truly desire to please God, we cannot live that way. We have to do things that cost us during our life on Earth but will be more than worth it in eternity.""

2 boys 2 and 3 years old...

So, two new little guys moved in with me today. They are two and three year olds who have been removed from their parents due to their inability to keep them safe. I got a call about them yesterday afternoon so I spent the early morning doing some kiddo grocery shopping. I don't believe coincidentally, I had already planned to take today off. Luckily, I found some spiderman comforters on sale and a couple matching trucks (anything to avoid the "I want that struggles :) )They pulled up in a white van about 10am and I peeked out the front window as they walked up to the house. I could see their tense little expressions but the older one reached out and took the younger boy's hand as they came toward the door. As I looked at their faces, I was struck by the resemblence to a girl I knew many years ago. After a few phone calls, it turns out that I knew their biological mom when she was a teenager. We actually spent quite a bit of time together and she was one of my favorite teens in a community group I led. They are adorable. Such good boys. Wild, active, jumping, into everything boys but also please and thank you, covering their mouths when they cough, counting, chatterbox, smart boys. We went over to Erika's house and the boys played with Jayden for a couple hours. They had a great time and I thought for sure they would crash out for a nap but no such luck. I'd probably have a hard time sleeping too in a completely new environment without anything familiar. I'm so glad they have each other. Erika sent us home with several great toys from Jaydo's playroom. We came home and my wonderful neighbor, Lyn, dropped by with a brand new sandbox with a lid, sand, sandbox toys, a road rug and 15 matchbox cars! She'd already dropped off a Thomas the Tank Engine train set and a car seat this morning. The boys absolutely loved the sandbox and cars when they got up from pretending to nap. They've spent the evening chasing the cat, taking a bath to get the beach worth of sand out of their hair and learning to pet the dog "gently". They ate a whole thing of macaroni and cheese and then were looking at the pictures on my refrigerator and kept saying "Yook, Jayden!" They were so excited to recognize someone. After their bath, I got them dressed in their new matching Mickey Mouse pajamas and they were so excited. The two year old said, "My Mickey pants? Tank you" and jumped up and down. I about cried. Tomorrow, I'm going to a pediatric appointment with Baby K and his new momma to introduce her to the nurses and doctor. I'm so glad she is open to including me in his life. He is such a special little guy and will hold a piece of my heart forever. My friend, Deb, volunteered to watch the boys while I go to the appointment. I'm sure they will have a blast playing with Levi! They start daycare on Monday but I'm so glad to be able to keep them close for the first couple days. Please pray for wisdom, patience and energy! I think I'm going to need an extra helping of all three!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Baby K is in his new home

I knew this would be difficult and people keep asking me if I really want him to go to the new family. I don't. I wish things were different. But they aren't. And that is okay. It isn't easy but it is okay. In my heart, I know this is right. I often tell my clients, "just because something is hard, doesn't mean it's the wrong decision". I believe that sometimes the best choices are the most difficult.

I recently read something by Corrie Ten Boom, a survivor of the Holocaust. Ten Boom said that when she was a child she asked her father how she would ever do what God had for her to do. Her father's response was, “When you go to travel, when do I give you the train tickets or the money for it, three weeks before?” She said “No daddy, the day that I go to travel.” And her father said “That is what God does. You don’t need to be...have the power to be... But the moment that you have to the Lord will give you everything.”

I am smiling through my tears because I know that this child was with me for this time for a reason. I was able to love him, feed him and cuddle him at a time that he needed someone. He taught me that I do have the patience, endurance and love to be a mom. He also taught me that there is so much more important than career success. I will forever value my relationships with my family and friends to a greater extent because of what this child has taught me.

There was a time that I struggled with worry about the life he will have if he isn't with me. I am so thankful that because of my faith, I can know that God has a plan for him that is better than anything I can ever imagine. I'm not saying that I don't wonder or even start to fret but the bottom line is that God knew him before I did and made him resilient enough to rebound from his difficult start in life. He alone helped him route the small amount of nutrition he was getting into the places it had to go for him to be able to overcome. He is in control and I'm not. I am so thankful for that.

The Bible says, "We hath not a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and a sound mind. And the Holy Spirit is there always, to do the job, to make us ready." I know that on my own, I can't do this. Thankfully, I don't have to.