Monday, January 25, 2010

Things are moving along...

So, I found out today that the BIP (Best Interest Placement) is scheduled for Wednesday. That means on Wednesday, a group of social workers and attorneys will gather in a room and decide whether I am the right mom for the boys. Everyone is telling me that it is just a formality but that does little to remove my anxiety. They will likely review my homestudy and talk about whether or not I am able to meet all of their needs as a single parent. They will probably talk about whether a White (I prefer Irish/Scottish) single woman is able to provide for the cultural needs of two Liberian/Mexican boys. I have taken part in dozens of these meetings but I have never been the subject of one and I have to admit it is terrifying. All the whatifs are driving me crazy. I feel like I should be able to at least write a letter or have some sort of participation but I will try my best to be patient. I'd like to tell them that tonight as I was tucking M into bed he decided he wanted to play a new game...the rules are that I would tell him 1 thing I love about him and then he would tell me 1 thing he loves about me...for the record...I love when he shares his toys, his beautiful brown eyes and when he feeds the dogs without my asking. He loves my eyelashes, my face and when I pick him up from school.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Validation

I picked up my kids, drove them home listening to the latest preschool gossip, made dinner and was thrilled (for once) with wonderful table manners and lots of polite table talk. We all changed into comfortable jammies and snuggled up in the oversized recliner to watch an old episode of Popeye. They were thrilled that he ate spinach because they had just had that for dinner and cleaned their plates. "We are strong like Popeye too cause we ate our veggies!" After the show we read "Happy Birthday, Martin Luther King" and halfway through the book, the phone rang. It was their dad, "Papa". I watched while J spoke to him and giggled when he called him "mijo". For some reason,they think that term is beyond hysterical. M didn't get a chance to chat this time because J got a lil button happy and hung up before he could talk. After the phone call, we finished up the book and brushed teeth. J snuggled into my bed and M into his (if I put them down in the same room, they'll never get to sleep). I kissed them goodnight and tucked them in snuggly before settling down for some "me" time watching junky tv. A few minutes later, the phone rang again and it was the boys' dad again. He asked how they are doing in school and said they sounded so happy. We talked about the boys' mom and he expressed his love for her and his sadness that their relationship has been so difficult. He said he knows she has made mistakes but acknowledged that he has too. He said he has no words to thank me for being his children's mother. Told me I am everything to them.

Thank you. You have no idea how much your words meant to me tonight. These boys could not be any more my own. Part of that is because of my love for their mom and for you. How could I not love the people who brought them into the world? I love them with my very being and think of them with my every breath. It is beyond my understanding that their father could verbalize his approval and peaceful acceptance of our family. Humbled, Thankful and Amazed.