Friday, April 30, 2010

What Makes a Mother...

The boys have been trying to keep a secret from me. They are trying really hard but it's not working very well. There have been many conversations that go like this... "Mom, guess what we did today...we made a present for you for Mother's Day!"..."Oops, Mom, we werent' supposed to tell you. Can you forget?"...It's hysterical. I love that they want to surprise me but I love even more that they want to tell me everything they are excited about. Mother's Day is just around the corner and it brings up so many complex feelings for me. I am the boys' mother in my heart and in theirs. I also know that I am their mother because another woman brought them into the world. She made some very difficult decisions and did the very best she could to give them happy, productive lives. Some people would say that she chose to not be in their lives on a daily basis and in some ways that is true but I heard a few quotes today that summed it all up for me...“Giving birth does not make a mother…. Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one.” ~ Unknown. It takes more than physically bearing the child to become a mother but what more parental decision is there than to place your child's needs ahead of your heart? (“There are two different kinds of strength. There’s the strength to make a parenting plan and then there’s the strength to give that plan to another.” Unknown) As I get ready to celebrate my second Mother's Day, I will be thinking about A, I will be thanking her, loving her, worrying about and praying for her. We have her pictures in frames around the house and we talk about her frequently. Sometimes people question my approach with that but I really feel like the boys need to know that they came from amazing, wonderful, brave, selfless people that are worthy of being loved. Difficult circumstances, mistakes and painful experiences do not change that.

The Saturday before Mother's Day has been designated as "Birthmother's Day". I'm not sure how I feel about that although I do like that someone is recognizing mothers who entrust their children to adoptive families. I'm just not sure that we can't recognize everyone on Mother's Day. That's what we all are, afterall... It wouldn't minimize my motherhood to celebrate with my best friend, or my mom or my grandmother...so why would it to honor the woman who gave my kids their curly dark hair and beautiful smile?

Since we don't have contact with her right now, I'm designing a short little ceremony/activity to acknowledge her contribution to our lives. I'm thinking something with balloons, wishes, prayers etc. Any ideas?