Sunday, May 23, 2010

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Unknown

We had a fun weekend full of birthday parties, jumpy houses, swimming and soccer. In the middle of a birthday party today, midbite of birthday cake, my little J said to me, "Mama, I don't know if my balloon got to Mama A." ** He asked if our friend, J's balloon had gotten to his birth mom, T. I told him that I didn't know either, but that I was sure that our wishes for her had found her. He liked that idea a lot.

I was surprised at his timing but not surprised that he was thinking about it. When we tried to construct a time to honor our kids' birth moms on Mother's Day, my friend and I questioned ourselves quite a bit. Our kids are little. Would they really "get" what we were doing? My little J clearly "got" it at three years old. He knows he doesn't live with Mama A and he knows that he has a permanent place in my arms. He's not confused about his place in the world but that doesn't mean he doesn't think about his first family. I love that our simple little ceremony created a safe space for him to put words to the not so simple pieces of our story.

**On Mother's Day, we told the kids that we wanted to think about our feelings about and our wishes for their birth moms. We wrote down what they said and wrote down wishes of our own and tucked them in helium balloons. We released the balloons outside after saying a little prayer for the amazing women they sought.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Love... the Way It's Meant to Be...

Wow, what a wonderful day. I woke up to two sweet little voices asking if they could finally give me the presents they'd made at school. They were so proud of each item, it took my breath away. At church, the message was so good. It was focused on how to be the woman God created you to be. Awesome! Later, I found this in my email inbox...

"When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need-words that will help others become stronger."
Ephesians 4:29 (NCV)

Just for today: Couldn't all words out of my mouth only be strengthening words? Words that nourish their bones and muscle their hearts?

What if I tried to change nothing in my children but I focused on only this: Let the tongue speak only the words that make souls stronger. Like Oxygen, couldn't just speaking strengthening-words change the whole atmosphere?

The two items tied together so well into exactly the kind of woman I want to be. I want to be remembered by my children as someone who loves them unconditionally, cheers their victories and quickly forgets their failures. Someone who sees their strengths and helps them build on their talents while teaching them that it's okay to have faults. I want them to know that mistakes will be made but can usually be rectified with a little hard work and some humility. I want them to become men whose lives are marked by generosity, tenacity and integrity. My prayer for the coming year is that God will give me the strength, grace and wisdom to be the Mom I need to be for my amazing little men.