High Desert Cottage Garden

Happy Famiversary!

2011-09-19T22:40:00.000-06:00

Tomorrow is the legal anniversary of our family. In so many ways, I can't believe it's only been a year since the judge legally recognized our little family. The boys had been with me for a couple years before that day so we considered ourselves a family even before that but we are a "celebrating kinda family" (Mateo) and because of that we'll celebrate tomorrow in addition to celebrating February 26 (their move in date). Can you really have too many special days? This last year has seen a bunch of firsts, first lost tooth, first bike ride without training wheels, first day of Kindergarten and first day of First grade. I wouldn't trade any of them. We've learned some hard lessons this year and we've grown closer as a unit. We are blessed by the support we've recieved from some of our friends and our family. We've been lucky enough to see a few babies enter this beautiful, crazy world and look forward to at least one more in the very near future. We've traveled to Seattle and California for some great vacations this year. I am tired, grateful, thankful and filled with praise for the God who created this incredible life I lead.

And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen. ~Terri Guillemets

Happy Birthday to Me...

2011-08-14T22:21:00.004-06:00

38 years ago today, I came into this crazy, wonderful world. I had a wonderful day with family and friends,enjoyed the sunshine and was treated to a fabulous ice cream cake! YUM.

Today is also, effectively, the last day of summer for us. While the heat will linger for at least another month or two, my sweet boys will don their uniforms, put on their new Nikes and start the school year tomorrow. I can't believe Joaquin will be in Kindergarten. He's so excited and is really looking forward to making new friends and "playing with the 100 board". He's also feeling a bit nervous and asked me to cuddle with him as he fell asleep. I love to watch him sleep because his normally very active mouth is so adorable when he sleeps!

It is hard to believe that it was almost three years ago that these precious children showed up on my doorstep. Honestly, it's gone so quickly that lately I have been really trying to embrace every amazing moment. On the eve of this new school year, I just wanted to take a minute to record a few of each child's personality traits, talents etc. for posterity.

Mateo- You are starting first grade tomorrow and you could not be more enthusiastic. I loved to hear you tell your brother confidently that first grade is "full of challenges". You strive to be "a role model" and are such a wonderful brother. You are reading more and more every day and really seem to have a talent for numbers. You love sports, especially basketball and soccer. If you could, you'd always be outside and you adore being messy. You really like writing and are so very thoughtful. You are so creative and are great at building things. Over the years, you have become a very affectionate person who gives the best hugs!

Joaquin- My sweet wonderful boy. You take so much joy in life and I love to hear your silly laugh. You are really starting to notice other people's feelings and are developing such a compassionate nature. You notice everything! Whether it is colors, smells, textures or facial expressions... you see them and appreciate them. I get so much pleasure watching you learn about animals and plants. You proudly tell people that you want to be an "etomologist" and study butterflies. You have such an eye for beautiful things and I love to hear you sing. Tomorrow will be your first day of Kindergarten and I can't wait to hear your astute observations when I pick you up.

Here's to a great new school year to the best gifts I could ever receive...

Happy Father's Day

2011-06-19T21:03:00.007-06:00

When I was a child, I idolized my dad. Honestly, not much has changed. He has always been prone to "flights of fancy" that I completely took for granted when I was little. For example, my brother and I were routinely treated to a "candy tree" where we were convinced that fairies or leprechans hid candy for us once a week. He loves holidays and always made sure that he went above and beyond to make them memorable. I can't even put into words how much I appreciate the memories I have because of the efforts both my parents put into things. Just the silly "imaginary holidays" like Flounder Roundup and traditions like river rafting, Spaghetti Factory and crazy Halloween endeavors help me to feel grounded and part of something that stands the test of time. I want that for my kids and I adore seeing them spend time with both my parents. I can see those traditions being handed down and it fills me with more joy than I ever thought possible. We'll be headed up to Seattle for a couple weeks this summer and even after only two summer visits to the NW, my kids know what to expect.
They can't wait to pick blueberries at Denae's, skip rocks at the cabin with their cousins, troll the beach for seastars with Craig, win kite flying competitions on Whidby Island and throw french fries to the seagulls at Ivars. I couldn't ask for anything more than that. Thank you, Dad, for teaching me to appreciate the little things in each day and helping me to pass what is important to my kids.

Happy Birthday 6 year old!

2011-06-14T19:15:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow will bring festivities to our little house. There is a little boy who has been counting down the days until this moment. I hope he remembers this day like I remember my childhood birthdays. I want him to feel cherished and celebrated tomorrow on the anniversary of his birth. Maybe someday reading this letter will make him smile, warm in the knowledge that he is loved and seen for all of who he is and all that he will be.

Dear Mateo,
It's been an amazing year. So many big events...your first day of Kindergarten in August, our Adoption finalization in September, visits from Nani and Owie, traveling to Seattle and California, learning to read and do math... so many more I'm sure. I've been so blessed to watch you try new things like African dancing, speaking and reading Spanish, basketball, soccer and hula hooping. You are such a kind friend and a thoughtful person. I love to watch you share with your brother and your friends and take care of your beloved dogs. You are developing an amazing sense of responsibility and you love to see tasks through to the end. You've become quite the jokester this year too. I love to see your silly sense of humor lead to flights of imagination. You are a born leader and sometimes struggle when others don't follow quite as closely as you like. We've worked hard this year on self control and regulation. You've listened, you've learned and you are applying those skills. It makes me giggle a little but I'm so proud of you when you get upset and I see you struggle to take deep breaths ("to get oxygen to your frontal cortex"). Your vocabulary is unbeleivable and I'm so in awe of how quickly you learn things. Your sense of inquiry and creativity has really blossomed this year, thanks in part to your fantastic school.

Sometimes I wish I could have seen you take your first steps or hear your first word, but this year as I watched you swim across the pool at Jenny Jen's for the first time and read a book cover to cover, I realized I am the luckiest mom on the planet. I'm proud of you. I love you. I'm here and I can't wait to see what the next 365 days brings us. Happy Birthday, baby!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Poppers

2011-03-16T21:39:00.003-06:00

When I was a child, I believed in leprechauns and candy trees. I saw the magic in rainbows and unexpected surprises. I want that same experience for my kids. They had a very different first couple of years but I want them to remember their childhood as a time of fun, spontanaity and creativity. Much of my experience is thanks to my Dad who I have frequently referred to as "Mr. Holiday". Even though our political leanings could not be more different, our similarities are overwhelming in almost any other way. I can't imagine a parent more attune to a child's imagination. I want to be that parent for my kids. I want to fill their lives with that sense of expectation and inspiration. It's a real testament to my Dad that the boys are beyond excited about St. Patrick's Day. They have a firm belief that "those tricky leprechauns" are out and about.... Joaquin watched an Irish dancing video and is now determined to become the next Michael Flatley. I love that my kids are proud Liberian, Mexican, Irish, Scottish Americans. During our adoption celebration, my Dad read the following Irish blessing...

We believe in living deeply,
laughing often and loving always.
We believe we were brought together
to support and care for each other.
We believe that everyone's feelings count
and that the uniqueness of each of us
strengthens all of us.
We believe in the power of forgiveness to heal
and the power of love to carry us through.
We believe in one another,
in this family.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Overflowing Buckets

2011-02-03T20:26:00.007-07:00

Because of my job, I sometimes second guess the future. I work with adoptive families, some of whom are struggling. Most of these families are devoted, loving, highly functioning and yet they are trembling under the weight of the challenges their kids bring. Some of our families have tremendous difficulty connecting with their kids and everyone suffers because of the trauma and resulting behaviors. When I hear the stories of hurt, disappointment and tremendous pain, I wonder if that will someday be us... I wonder if we will struggle with mental illness, behavioral challenges, physical difficulties...I worry that my kids don't have a dad who lives in our home. I've never been a biological parent, so I don't know if these worries are unique to families formed through adoption but somehow I doubt it. Even when you share genetics with a child, the future is largely unknown.

When I brought my boys into my home, I made a conscious decision to leave no stone unturned in bringing them healing, hope and unconditional love. They, and every child deserve no less than that. I am so incredibly blessed to have found the work of Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. Bruce Perry, my "FIESTA village" and the amazing support of other "mommy bloggers". So much of what I do with my kids on a daily basis comes from these sources and I am eternally grateful. I also know that for our family, God is the ultimate healer and protector. As a single parent, I'm so grateful to know that He is in charge. He has got it, even when I don't.

Since the adoption finalization, I've seen a huge difference in Mateo. He seems so much more settled, much more affectionate and increasingly able to self regulate. I've seen some changes in Joaquin too but Joaquin's personality is vastly different from his brother. He has always been very affectionate but he is also the child that until recently would completely shut down at the first sign of stress. They both have vivid memories of some very difficult moments but unlike most people, they are comfortable talking about those times. So often, I'm amazed by the empathetic, wise observations I hear from my kids and I hope that they continue to examine their experience. Despite the difficult family situations I see on a daily basis, tonight, I'm feeling really hopeful, really content and very thankful. I think that comes from a couple of events from the last couple days...

In the two years we've been together as a family, Mateo and I have worked really hard to help him learn how to be kind and gentle especially with the pets. He has struggled with self control and would sometimes poke a little too much or pull an ear a little too hard for the dogs' comfort level.They learned quickly to avoid too much contact with him. Last night, when I went in to kiss Mateo good night, Shumba, our sweet, 12 year old pup was curled up next to him and they were both snoring quietly.

As the boys were getting ready for bed tonight, Mateo was complaining about sleeping by himself in his room. Joaquin looked at him and said, "Mateo, just remember what your heart tells you. God is always with you. You are never alone."

I think these two occurrences showed me that we continue to move in a positive direction, closer to each other and closer to our God.

Happy Birthday A!

2011-01-11T19:10:00.003-07:00

In some ways, it seems dismissive to say Happy Birthday to someone that I know is still in a place of confusion and fear. I'm struggling today with how to honor the woman who gave my children life. All day, I've wanted to take a drive, try to find her, get her somewhere safe and make sure she's warm, fed and knows she's loved. Actually, I struggle with that most days, but today the urge is a bit stronger. I know I need to maintain some distance due to safety concerns but some days, most days, it is so hard. So, I distract myself by thinking of all the things I'd tell her if only I could.

I'd share how funny and kind they can be. I'd explain how Mateo is learning to read and Joaquin is following quickly behind him. I'd laugh as I described how Joaquin makes a face that I've seen on her and that Mateo has her gift of gab. I'd let her know that Mateo has her determination and Joaquin has her flare for the dramatic. It would be important to mention that I know how very much she loves both boys and that she struggled to parent them in the best way she knew. I want her to know that I know there were good days, weeks, months...there had to have been for the boys to be so resilient. I don't want her to worry that the boys will ever hear a negative word about her from me. I know that her challenges do not define her. I also am very aware that their lives didn't start the day I adopted them. I will always strive to keep them connected to their biological family and their heritage. I want her to know that I love the boys with every fiber of my being and so do many others. I'd reassure her that the boys are surrounded by people who adore them. I'd promise that I will hug them every chance I get, nurture their individual interests,cheer their victories and dry their tears when they fall.

If only I could, I'd hug her and tell her how many good things from her I see in them. I'd tell her how thankful I am and that we love her unconditionally.

Adoption Party

2010-10-02T13:13:00.002-06:00

A little over 19 months after they moved in, we celebrate our adoption surrounded by family and friends! We have already had our family legally recognized but I felt like it was important to include a ceremony to recognize the boys' entire family.

Mateo & Joaquin Walsh
Candlelight Ceremony
2010

Blessed are you, O Lord our God, Father to us all:
We thank you every day for the blessing of these children
& for this family that you have created through adoption.
Lend us your strength to build bonds of love unbreakable; Your wisdom to prepare these children for the path you have set before them; Your forgiveness for our imperfections as parents.
We ask that you watch over the birth parents of these children,
who by your guidance, helped bring this miracle to pass.
And for all your children still awaiting the blessing of adoption,
We pray you speed their journey to the loving arms of family,
Amen.

Just as many streams, known and unknown, contribute to a river's strength and course, Mateo and Joaquin's lives will be shaped, in part, by their many tributaries. Joaquin and Mateo are birth children; they are adopted children. They are Liberian and Mexican and they are Irish and Scottish. They are children of God.

They are the sons of A and G and the sons of Megan. Perhaps they will have A's intelligence and courage or G’s tenacity and selflessness. Maybe they will have Megan’s optimism, compassion and sense of humor. We hope they will be blessed with all of these things and more.

This first candle signifies Mateo and Joaquin's biological parents and their extended families. A, G and T are the people who gave them the gift of life. They gave them their beautiful brown eyes and skin, their ancestors and cultural heritage. A is the woman whose womb carried the boys, whose heartbeat soothed them and her arms held them in the moments after they entered this world. G chose to be a father to both children and made the painful decision to seek help when needed. A and G also made the difficult choice to give them the gift of this family.

The second candle represents the families that provided the boys with safety when necessary including, Jan and Bob, Geri and Marc and Brenda. They were the unforgettable interruption that allowed the boys to feel safe in moments of instability. This candle also represents the caseworkers, attorneys, foster families, researchers, therapists and judges who work tirelessly to benefit all the kids in care.

This third candle represents Mateo and Joaquin's adoptive parent, Megan and her extended family and friends. This candle represents the aunties, uncles, grandparents and cousins who surround this family with love, support and encouragement on a daily basis. This candle represents Megan, who is the person who reads their favorite stories thousands of times, tucks them in at night and feeds them when they are hungry. She is the person who teaches them right from wrong, who bandages their hurts, cheers their victories, dreams about their futures and provides for their spiritual, physical and emotional needs on a daily basis. She humbly accepts the responsibility of motherhood with hope, joy and unwavering commitment. We pray that God will grant her the gifts of kindness, patience, understanding and wisdom.

This fourth candle signifies Mateo and Joaquin’s future. Lives filled with the grace of God’s amazing plan for them, love of their birth family, their adoptive family and all of you here. Their potential to impact our world is limitless and will be largely affected by the unconditional love and acceptance in this room. This candle represents the light Joaquin and Mateo will be to the world and the promise in their young lives. God bless these children with wisdom, understanding, peace and the assurance of your love for them now and forever. Guide and protect them throughout their lives and bless them always with the knowledge of Your love and grace.

Please join me in reciting this Irish Blessing

We believe in living deeply,
laughing often and loving always.
We believe we were brought together
to support and care for each other.
We believe that everyone's feelings count
and that the uniqueness of each of us
strengthens all of us.
We believe in the power of forgiveness to heal
and the power of love to carry us through.
We believe in one another,
in this family.

I am proud to introduce to you,

Mateo Owen Perkins Walsh
&
Joaquin Lamont Armendariz Walsh

Introducing....

2010-09-20T14:45:00.006-06:00

Mateo Owen Perkins Walsh and Joaquin Lamont Armendariz Walsh!

We were surrounded by a courtroom full (and I do mean full) of precious friends today as the Judge legally recognized our little family. You know it's good when the Judge and attorney are fighting back tears unsuccessfully throughout the proceedings. I woke up today thinking I didn't feel much different. But now, if it's possible, what I do feel is even more in love with the children God chose for me and more determined to honor their biological parents by providing them with a safe, stable, full childhood. A wonderful friend and fellow adoptive parent said it perfectly today, "you are mourning the loss in your babies' lives while rejoicing for being the chosen mommy". Exactly.

As I raced around the house trying to get the three of us ready this morning, my sweet little Joaquin brought to me a picture of my grandparents (the same grandmother that shares his middle name)and just handed it to me quietly. As I looked at the picture, I thought about the way that they loved our family. They weren't perfect but they loved us perfectly. As a child, I never ever doubted that I was loved by both my parents and my grandparents. I knew it through their words, their actions and the way they chose to spend time with me. I want that same legacy for my children. Some people say that our loved ones in heaven can see what happens here on earth. Today was the kind of day, I really hope that's true.

Inspired by My Boy...

2010-09-11T20:01:00.007-06:00

My sweet lil M just hopped out of bed despite my threats to the contrary. I was about to lay into him about listening and following instructions when he said, "Mama, in a country on the other side of Earth, there was a lot of rain and it flooded in the street and the people had to carry the kids on their backs so that they wouldn't drown. And now, they can't find their houses!" He took a deep breath and stared at me to see my response. My frustration at his lack of "staying in bed" dissolved instantly. My wonderful, compassionate boy was cozy in his bed thinking about kids without homes thousands of miles away. I am so incredibly proud of him and it breaks my heart to think that just a couple years ago, he and his little brother would have fit that description.

His class at school has been talking about the needs of people around the world and the kids are encouraged to think of ways to help. I can't begin to express how thankful I am for his school, his genuine spirit and his sense of compassion for people who are hurting. It's so easy to forget those things when he's running wild, pushing his brother or not listening to directions. Sometimes the sheer volume of words that come from his mouth on a daily basis is exhausting but I need to be careful to hear him even at his most verbose. Even Jesus told his disciples to let the children come to him. He wanted to spend some time listening to them, blessing them and loving them. I sooooo want to learn from that.

I need to remember that listening is the most profound thing I can do for my kids. I was so close to raising my voice and firmly leading him back to bed without listening to the concerns of his heart. If I had done that, I would have missed such joy at the thought of who he is becoming. My prayer is that I will remember this lesson the next time I start to react before opening my heart and my ears to listen.

I think we'll spend some time tomorrow figuring out what we can do to help the families effected by the flood in Pakistan this summer.

Summer

2010-08-05T20:52:00.003-06:00

How is it that August has just started and I feel like Summer is over? We've had a busy one, that is for sure! We drove to Seattle for a 10 day visit with my parents and our extended family. It was amazing. So much fun. I can't even begin to explain the joy I felt when I watched my boys play on the beach my grandparents purchased when my mother was a child. The boys absolutely loved taking walks on the beach, playing with their wonderful teenage cousins and watching for eagles, geese and huge ships. They enjoyed being the center of attention for my parents, old friends and incredible family. The boys were amazing travelers and we enjoyed spending so much time together this summer.

M starts Kindergarten at an amazing charter school a week from today! I'm so excited for him and for the richness the environment will bring to our family. I am so proud of M. He has come so far in the last 18 months. For example, he had been told that he could watch one show and then it was bed time. He just came out of the bedroom and said to me, "Mama, I'm sorry. The first show was over and I was trying to sneak another one. I know it's bedtime". All I could do was hug him and tell him how proud I am of how honest he is. He is resilient, brilliant and can express himself in ways that astound me.

J will have another year at preschool. He is changing and maturing every single day. I can't wait to see what the next year will bring for him. He is sweet, kind, thoughtful and more stubborn than you can even imagine. He sings and dances with passion in his face and is amazingly artistic. He also gives hugs that are filled with so much feeling it makes me tear up almost every time. J is helpful, so stinkin' funny and talented beyond belief.

I am at a point in my life where I feel like God has prepared me for this moment. When I was a child, he gave me amazing parents so that I could love my children with all my heart and soul. When I was a teenager, he gave me stable friendships so that I would have the support system I need to be a single mom. He gave me a heart that seeks to serve others so that I would find a career path that would provide me with the information, skills and resources to provide for my little family. He gave me a hunger for Him so that I would know that He alone is in control and has a plan for all of us. I am so thankful for that plan and for the wisdom that prepares us for it.

They Didn't Notice!

2010-06-27T07:35:00.005-06:00

I got my haircut a few days ago and my kids haven't noticed yet. Some people might be offended by that but I am thrilled. Absolutely thrilled. They are no longer constantly monitoring for a change in me. They are free to explore, learn and grow without watching carefully for even the tiniest of changes in my behavior or appearance. At first, I thought it was really cute when they would comment on whether I wore shorts or a dress, my hair was curly or straightened or whether I wore close-toed shoes or flip flops. Then I realized that in their short few years of life, they had had to protect themselves from rapidly shifting moods and drastic changes in behavior. They had learned to watch for subtle cues in order to be safe. Over Christmas time, I got my nails done (clearly a rare occurence)and it literally threw M into a tailspin. He got really agitated and kept saying, "I don't want you to get your nails done". It took exactly 18 months but today, we are celebrating their new found ability to NOT notice!

Grace

2010-06-12T21:17:00.006-06:00

"Many times, when I was having a hard time with one of my children. God would always remind me that He was having a harder time with me than I was with them."
--Charlie "Tremendous" Jones

Tonight, as I was tucking M into bed he made the observation that the wind had calmed down outside. I agreed, kissed him on the forehead and started to walk out of the room. He continued, "maybe the mama wind told him to take a deep breath".

My boy is listening. He is attaching, incorporating my words and actions into his thoughts. It is beyond beautiful. We've had a rough couple of days. Lots of testing and backtalk from him and second guessing on my part. Am I too strict or too lenient? Do I make mountains out of molehills or do I let important things slide? Looking back, I can see that it's completely age appropriate and very circumstantially understandable but in that moment...not so much. I needed to hear his simple observation today. I needed to be encouraged that we are on the right track. God knew that and he used my sweet boy and the wind gusts to show me.

I wrote up this post once and it was accidentally deleted as I tried to post the quote above into it. As I wrote it out for the second time I realized that I do the same thing to God on a daily basis. He tells me things, I don't listen; I pretend I understand his commands without really taking time out to think and pray about what that means for my life. God is so gracious with me as I try, forget, stumble and try again. I want to use that thought to motivate myself to fill my parenting with grace. Instead of responding to my kids with frustration, irritation and impatience, let me turn toward them with a smile, soft eyes and encouragement. I want my home to be filled with grace. There will be mistakes, there will be regrets but I want my kids to know that no matter what, my love for them is secure, they have significance in this world and they can persevere in times of trouble.

"Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children." Unknown

2010-05-23T21:37:00.005-06:00

We had a fun weekend full of birthday parties, jumpy houses, swimming and soccer. In the middle of a birthday party today, midbite of birthday cake, my little J said to me, "Mama, I don't know if my balloon got to Mama A." ** He asked if our friend, J's balloon had gotten to his birth mom, T. I told him that I didn't know either, but that I was sure that our wishes for her had found her. He liked that idea a lot.

I was surprised at his timing but not surprised that he was thinking about it. When we tried to construct a time to honor our kids' birth moms on Mother's Day, my friend and I questioned ourselves quite a bit. Our kids are little. Would they really "get" what we were doing? My little J clearly "got" it at three years old. He knows he doesn't live with Mama A and he knows that he has a permanent place in my arms. He's not confused about his place in the world but that doesn't mean he doesn't think about his first family. I love that our simple little ceremony created a safe space for him to put words to the not so simple pieces of our story.

**On Mother's Day, we told the kids that we wanted to think about our feelings about and our wishes for their birth moms. We wrote down what they said and wrote down wishes of our own and tucked them in helium balloons. We released the balloons outside after saying a little prayer for the amazing women they sought.

Love... the Way It's Meant to Be...

2010-05-09T19:41:00.004-06:00

Wow, what a wonderful day. I woke up to two sweet little voices asking if they could finally give me the presents they'd made at school. They were so proud of each item, it took my breath away. At church, the message was so good. It was focused on how to be the woman God created you to be. Awesome! Later, I found this in my email inbox...

"When you talk, do not say harmful things, but say what people need-words that will help others become stronger."
Ephesians 4:29 (NCV)

Just for today: Couldn't all words out of my mouth only be strengthening words? Words that nourish their bones and muscle their hearts?

What if I tried to change nothing in my children but I focused on only this: Let the tongue speak only the words that make souls stronger. Like Oxygen, couldn't just speaking strengthening-words change the whole atmosphere?

The two items tied together so well into exactly the kind of woman I want to be. I want to be remembered by my children as someone who loves them unconditionally, cheers their victories and quickly forgets their failures. Someone who sees their strengths and helps them build on their talents while teaching them that it's okay to have faults. I want them to know that mistakes will be made but can usually be rectified with a little hard work and some humility. I want them to become men whose lives are marked by generosity, tenacity and integrity. My prayer for the coming year is that God will give me the strength, grace and wisdom to be the Mom I need to be for my amazing little men.

What Makes a Mother...

2010-04-30T20:47:00.004-06:00

The boys have been trying to keep a secret from me. They are trying really hard but it's not working very well. There have been many conversations that go like this... "Mom, guess what we did today...we made a present for you for Mother's Day!"..."Oops, Mom, we werent' supposed to tell you. Can you forget?"...It's hysterical. I love that they want to surprise me but I love even more that they want to tell me everything they are excited about. Mother's Day is just around the corner and it brings up so many complex feelings for me. I am the boys' mother in my heart and in theirs. I also know that I am their mother because another woman brought them into the world. She made some very difficult decisions and did the very best she could to give them happy, productive lives. Some people would say that she chose to not be in their lives on a daily basis and in some ways that is true but I heard a few quotes today that summed it all up for me...“Giving birth does not make a mother…. Placing a child for adoption does not make her less of one.” ~ Unknown. It takes more than physically bearing the child to become a mother but what more parental decision is there than to place your child's needs ahead of your heart? (“There are two different kinds of strength. There’s the strength to make a parenting plan and then there’s the strength to give that plan to another.” Unknown) As I get ready to celebrate my second Mother's Day, I will be thinking about A, I will be thanking her, loving her, worrying about and praying for her. We have her pictures in frames around the house and we talk about her frequently. Sometimes people question my approach with that but I really feel like the boys need to know that they came from amazing, wonderful, brave, selfless people that are worthy of being loved. Difficult circumstances, mistakes and painful experiences do not change that.

The Saturday before Mother's Day has been designated as "Birthmother's Day". I'm not sure how I feel about that although I do like that someone is recognizing mothers who entrust their children to adoptive families. I'm just not sure that we can't recognize everyone on Mother's Day. That's what we all are, afterall... It wouldn't minimize my motherhood to celebrate with my best friend, or my mom or my grandmother...so why would it to honor the woman who gave my kids their curly dark hair and beautiful smile?

Since we don't have contact with her right now, I'm designing a short little ceremony/activity to acknowledge her contribution to our lives. I'm thinking something with balloons, wishes, prayers etc. Any ideas?

Today was a good day...

2010-02-26T20:07:00.002-07:00

Started out by realizing that I forgot to do a little project with the boys. Apparently a family in J's class is adopting a little girl from China and the school is trying to gather 100 wishes for the little girl and her new family. I asked the boys what they would want to tell a little girl who was moving into a new family just like they did a year ago. M thought for a minute and said, "I would tell her it's okay to be sad and cry at first but everything will be okay because your family really loves you". If I wasn't already a huge mush ball today, that did it. My sweet boy soooo gets it.

I picked the boys up from school early so that we could be home in time for the social worker to come over to sign the paperwork. As I walked in, J saw me and started running up and down the hallway telling every teacher that it was time for us to "go sign our family papers". At every stop he got a thrilled smile. Love their school!

As we signed the Adoptive Placement Agreement, LB (the worker) asked M if he knew what the papers meant. His immediate reply, "That mama gets to love us forever and ever".

I recieved text after text, call after call, email after email from supportive friends and family every hour of the day.

We ended the evening with dinner and lots of loud roughhousing at Erika and Steve's house. I loved to watch the boys completely at home and surrounded by people who adore them. As I sit here typing, I just looked up to see a vase of flowers and a balloon reading Congratulations.

Yes, today was a good day.

Tomorrow

2010-02-25T19:39:00.004-07:00

Tomorrow is a big day for a few reasons. One year ago today, I got a phone call from CYFD asking if I could possibly take 2 little boys for 8 days of respite with a possibility of a longterm placement. The baby I had for 3 months had moved in with his adoptive family that morning and I was all set for a couple days of quiet, sleep and probably more than a bit of teariness. After securing promises of babysitting and lots of encouragement from friends, I agreed. I was terrified. I was excited. I was in completely over my head. I was gonna be outnumbered in my own house! That night, I was scheduled to attend a training on the Nurtured Heart Approach which ended up being extremely serendipitous. That approach combined with Love and Logic have become the foundation of my parenting choices.

The next morning, I went to the grocery store to shop for "kid food" with suggestions from friends written down in my purse. I bought Spiderman comforters, a couple toys and new pajamas. Got home and put some take and bake chocolate chip cookies in the oven to portray some sort of "cozy, I know what I'm doing as a Mom" vibe. I was on the phone with my friend, Erika, peering out my front window when the van pulled up and two of the cutest little guys I'd ever seen got out. They looked terrified. Their current foster mom and her daughter shepherded them up the walk and my doorbell rang. That was the first time my sons would walk through the doorway into our home. That was the beginning of so much. I had no idea what the future would hold that day but I'm so happy I walked through the unknown. These boys have changed my life in unimaginable ways and I honestly can't beleive it's only been a year. Tomorrow, I will sign the Adoptive Placement Agreement on the anniversary of our meeting. Tonight, I am awed, amazed, humbled and thrilled. Thank you is not enough.

You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them. ~Desmond Tutu

What greater thing is there for human souls than to feel that they are joined for life - to be with each other in silent unspeakable memories. ~George Eliot

And thank you for a house full of people I love. Amen. ~Ward Elliot Hour

Things are moving along...

2010-01-25T20:49:00.003-07:00

So, I found out today that the BIP (Best Interest Placement) is scheduled for Wednesday. That means on Wednesday, a group of social workers and attorneys will gather in a room and decide whether I am the right mom for the boys. Everyone is telling me that it is just a formality but that does little to remove my anxiety. They will likely review my homestudy and talk about whether or not I am able to meet all of their needs as a single parent. They will probably talk about whether a White (I prefer Irish/Scottish) single woman is able to provide for the cultural needs of two Liberian/Mexican boys. I have taken part in dozens of these meetings but I have never been the subject of one and I have to admit it is terrifying. All the whatifs are driving me crazy. I feel like I should be able to at least write a letter or have some sort of participation but I will try my best to be patient. I'd like to tell them that tonight as I was tucking M into bed he decided he wanted to play a new game...the rules are that I would tell him 1 thing I love about him and then he would tell me 1 thing he loves about me...for the record...I love when he shares his toys, his beautiful brown eyes and when he feeds the dogs without my asking. He loves my eyelashes, my face and when I pick him up from school.

Validation

2010-01-11T21:42:00.002-07:00

I picked up my kids, drove them home listening to the latest preschool gossip, made dinner and was thrilled (for once) with wonderful table manners and lots of polite table talk. We all changed into comfortable jammies and snuggled up in the oversized recliner to watch an old episode of Popeye. They were thrilled that he ate spinach because they had just had that for dinner and cleaned their plates. "We are strong like Popeye too cause we ate our veggies!" After the show we read "Happy Birthday, Martin Luther King" and halfway through the book, the phone rang. It was their dad, "Papa". I watched while J spoke to him and giggled when he called him "mijo". For some reason,they think that term is beyond hysterical. M didn't get a chance to chat this time because J got a lil button happy and hung up before he could talk. After the phone call, we finished up the book and brushed teeth. J snuggled into my bed and M into his (if I put them down in the same room, they'll never get to sleep). I kissed them goodnight and tucked them in snuggly before settling down for some "me" time watching junky tv. A few minutes later, the phone rang again and it was the boys' dad again. He asked how they are doing in school and said they sounded so happy. We talked about the boys' mom and he expressed his love for her and his sadness that their relationship has been so difficult. He said he knows she has made mistakes but acknowledged that he has too. He said he has no words to thank me for being his children's mother. Told me I am everything to them.

Thank you. You have no idea how much your words meant to me tonight. These boys could not be any more my own. Part of that is because of my love for their mom and for you. How could I not love the people who brought them into the world? I love them with my very being and think of them with my every breath. It is beyond my understanding that their father could verbalize his approval and peaceful acceptance of our family. Humbled, Thankful and Amazed.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-25T21:13:00.004-07:00

I'm sitting here in front of the fire feeling so blessed that I highly doubt I could even put it into words. One year ago today a tiny, pale, frail baby boy moved in with me. (See last year for more info on that) I loved that little baby so much and enjoyed every midnight feeding and diaper change but I alwayss felt like I wasn't supposed to be his "forever" mom. I was meant to love him, care for him and protect him. I loved every minute of the four months he was with me. Last Saturday, he was legally adopted by a wonderful woman who knew from the very first moment she saw him that he was HER baby. Her family has welcomed him with open arms and they have all been so gracious about keeping me informed about how well he is doing. The boys and I were able to be at the court house the day of his adoption and it was wonderful to see such a happy family.

My boys have brought more joy to my life than I ever knew existed. I'm tired, I'm busy but I am also content, happy and fulfilled. I am amazed each and every day by the strength, intelligence and love these two boys show. They have been hurt but they are resilient. They have a future that God has planned and I am so excited to see what wonderful things He has for them.

A friend of mine told me that instead of thinking about Thanksgiving as a once a year holiday we should see it as an attitude to hold every day. We need to think about who we can thank and how we can give. I love that. Over the last month, I was challenged to do an "I am thankful for..." post every day on Facebook and I'm actually disappointed that it is ending. I've really enjoyed focusing on the positive in each day. I'm going to try to make a different kind of New Year's Resolution this year...I usually do one focused on myself...I think I'll try to figure out some new way to give back to the community each month. It's the least I can do after all I've been given. Happy Thanksgiving.

Two little boys calling me "Mom"

2009-09-19T13:16:00.003-06:00

In the last seven months, I have been blessed without measure. I have gone from foster parent to mommy. We've weathered colds, skinned knees, bruised feelings and trashed bedrooms. I've learned that it is financially much more feasible to buy plain old bandaids than the cool Handy Manny ones. The dogs have gone from running for their lives to sleeping next to the boys' beds at night. I've become adept at getting two rambuctious boys into bed and cozy by bedtime and I've figured out the trick about naptime. We've manuevered the preschool enrollment process and experimented with Bento Box lunches. I feel like I've learned so much over the last few months and somehow with every passing day another question pops up. My family and friends have been absolutely incredible and have embraced our new little family with stronger arms and more kindness than I ever imagined. My parents have jumped wholeheartedly into the world of grandparenting and the boys can't wait to see "Nani and Owie" again. I got the call this week that I will be signing "Intent to Adopt" paperwork on Friday. Over all of those years that God kept telling me to "Wait"...Wait...and wait somemore...I never could have imagined how magnificent his plan would be.

Happy Father's Day, Poppers!

2009-06-21T12:00:00.004-06:00

I wrote this for my Dad a couple years ago, but today seemed like a perfect day to post it and remind him just how special he is...

Top 10 things I learned from my Dad....

1. Giving is always better than getting. My whole life, I remember hearing the joy in your voice and seeing the sparkle in your eye whenever you thought of a great gift idea for someone. Spending time shopping with you and watching the generosity you display toward needy people has always inspired me to want to give to others the way that you do.

2. If it’s Irish, It’s Good! I appreciate being taught about my Irish heritage. So many people just see themselves as “caucasian” but you always taught me that I have a rich Irish lineage with a great deal of culture and history. Even if the food does taste blah!
3. The Louder the Music the Better! I have so many memories of riding in the car with Carmen blasting on the radio and you clapping, singing and banging on the steering wheel. You enjoy music so much that it encourages me to spend time enjoying it too.
4. Go the Extra Mile to Make something Special. This lesson really illustrates who you are. So many times, I have noticed that you take the time to really add special little touches to things. From your amazing breakfasts in the morning to your beautiful garden pinwheels to a surprise flower delivery on St. Patrick’s Day half way across the country.
5. Have Fun! Wow, I thought the last one was the one that really described you but this one might have to beat it! I have so many incredibly memories that it’s hard to pick just a few. You are always the one to come up with some crazy, last minute idea that makes a day. Sometimes when I tell stories to people about my childhood, they just stare at me in awe. You and Mom always included Matt and me in the things you did and I appreciate that so much. I don’t know if you know how rare that is. When you would encourage us to check the “candy tree” outside and delight in our excitement to frosting covered brownies made into Halloween pumpkins and taking all of my friends in the back of the truck trick or treating all over town to river rafting to Leavenworth at Christmas time, I can’t think of any fun activity you didn’t spearhead.
6. Treat others Well Your kindness and generosity are evident in everything you do. Your friends and your family benefit so much from your sweet thoughtfulness. I learned to surprise the people around me with kindness when I see you bring in a beautiful flower for me or Mom when you come in from working in the yard or when you bring home an unexpected latte.
7. Enjoy Nature and Appreciate Beauty You were always the one to rush inside and encourage me to come outside and see an amazing sunset or smell the fresh aroma of the rain in a flowerbed. I have always been touched by your connection to nature and your devotion to our land. I often think about the story of the tree that had to be cut to build our house but that stands in the same place in our home and every time I am so blessed by your unique gentle loving spirit.
8. Work Hard at Something that Matters You and Mom have worked so hard to create a safe, loving, warm environment for your family. I am so thankful for both of you and I know it hasn’t been easy. You put your all into things and I learned that you can make a difference in the world if you just keep trying. A couple of years ago, you called me in tears to tell me that a man in your cursillo group had just adopted a child from China. (My eyes are tearing up as I write this) You said, “I am just so proud that you help people feel the way he was feeling today.” I don’t know if I ever told you how much that meant to me, but it was amazing. I want so much for you to be proud of me and I am so thankful that you were able to share that with me.
9. Love animals So many parents don’t let their kids have pets. That was never an issue we had. I don’t remember a time that I ever wanted any kind of animal and you and Mom said “No”. We had dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, peacocks, horses, cows, rabbits, fish, turtles and we probably could add a few species to that list. You have always had such a tenderness for animals that we learned to value and care for them as well. What a richness they add to life.
10. Love God and Serve His Humanity I still remember the day you came home from Cursillo and told us that you had met your best friend and his name is Jesus. That has always touched me and helped me to remember that God is the one that I can always lean on. You have such a servant’s heart and I am blessed and honored to have been able to learn from your willingness to serve others at home, at work or in church.

Dad, Thank you for being the amazing father you are to me. I recently read a book that said that your impression of God is based on your experience with your father. What a powerful message. I thank God for giving me you every day and I am so grateful that he chose to bless me with a Dad that taught me that God is loving, kind, amazingly thoughtful and full of surprises.

I love you, Dad, and I hope you have a wonderful time this weekend.

Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you. ~Robert Fulghum

2009-06-05T20:59:00.004-06:00

It is amazing to me to see these two amazing little boys pick up my habits and mannerisms. Terrifying and incredible all at once. I watched tonight as M picked all of the toppings off of his pizza and ate them first and then was so impressed as J strolled around the backyard checking on the plants and called several by name. They are so wonderful, I don't even have words to describe it. They challenge me to the full extent of my ability and potential and I am loving every single second. I am so incredibly thankful for my job right now. I am able to focus on things that will make me a better social worker and a better parent. All of the things I'm interested in are wrapped up in both my career and my personal life. It's so great! I'm going to a second training tomorrow on the "Nurtured Heart Approach" to parenting. I went to the first one the night before the boys moved in and I'm so excited to get a refresher. I'm not the type of person who picks one style of anything but I've really been able to incorporate alot from this philosophy. The main focus is helping kids to build their sense that they can succeed. The founder of the approach uses the example of how trainers trained the amazing Shamu to jump out of the water-----training Shamu to jump over a rope suspended above the water was relatively easy -- once they found the right approach: Make it easy for the Shamu to succeed
In the beginning, reward success, no matter how small. To make it easy for Shamu to succeed, instead of putting the rope above the water and trying to persuade the Shamu whale to jump over it, the trainers started by laying the rope on the bottom of the tank.
Then they watched Shamu very carefully. When they saw Shamu cross over the line (or even get near it in the beginning), they gave him a reward. Rather quickly, Shamu learned that if he swam over the rope, he would often received a reward. Then they raised the rope off the bottom of the tank, rewarding Shamu only when he swam over it . Eventually, they raised the rope above of the water. By that point, Shamu "knew" he would often receive a reward when he had to cross over the line, so quite naturally he began jumping over the rope. Simple, right? It makes a huge difference with kids when you put all your focus on praising and rewarding their successes and allowing natural consequences to deal with their challenges. I use a lot of attachment parenting tools as well; we practice a lot of eye contact and I use "the thinking spot" or "taking a seat" which is basically a quick timeout right next to me. It does nobody any good to use a separation to discipline kids who are traumatized by too many separations. Love and Logic has also had a huge impact on the way I interact with the kids. It also leads to some of the funniest moments... In the midst of a tantrum, J (2) said to me, "No, you're the bummer!", M was trying to get me to give him chocolate milk and when I said "No", his response was "I love you to much to argue".

I think my favorite thing that has happened over the last month is watching the development of empathy in both boys. I easedropped yesterday as they were outside playing near their little swimming pool and they were upset to see the bugs that had landed in the water. Both boys were gently picking up each bug and transferring it carefully to a nearby sunflower leaf. It was amazing to hear them use the words they have heard me say to cheer on the little bugs who were struggling..."You be ok. I know this is hawd" and Good Job! You awe weally twying".
The second most exciting thing is that they are telling on themselves! When a cup of milk spills, I now get an "oops, I spilled the milk" instead of blank stares and blatent refusals to take responsibility. Soooo sooo amazing to watch.

I found this poem and I'm going to print it out and put it on my fridge. Whether this is for another month or forever, I don't want to look back later and think...

If I had my child to raise all over again,I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.I would do less correcting and more connecting.I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.I'd do more hugging and less tugging.-- Diane Loomans, from "If I Had My Child To Raise Over Again"

Living, Loving, Laughing

2009-05-06T20:21:00.007-06:00

It's been awhile since I've had a chance to sit down and blog. Obviously. Anyway, the boys have now been here 2 1/2 months. They have settled in and so have I. I am tired but rejuvenated. I am extraordinarily busy but calmer than I have felt in years. I have been able to realize through these wonderful boys that each day is one I need to treasure. It may be just an average day but it is one that I will never have again. These kiddos will never be 2 and 3 on May 6th again and I will never by 35 on this day again (Thank you Charlie Appelstein). For the last several years, I've felt stuck. Nothing ever changed. Same job, same house and pets, same great friends and family. Things were good but lacking in something I could never put my finger on. With the addition of these wild children, my life has gained passion. I am loving rolling down hills at the park, flying kites, searching the sky for colorful hot air balloons, singing songs and having tickle fights. The boys have developed a huge interest in watching our seeds sprout in the garden and enthusiastically help me water every night.My job is suddenly much more exciting, my house is loud and full of life and my relationships have all taken on new meaning. I am looking forward to each new day with gratitude in a way that I had almost forgotten. Often people will say to me "you have your hands full!" and I just want to reply, "full of blessings".

Tonight's Highlights:
**The boys picked the first beautiful peach geranium stem (AAAHHHH!) and brought it to me to wear in my hair (ahhhhhh...)

**I have a small scar on my leg and it must have worried M because he went and got a band-aid and gently put it over the scar. I said "oh thank you! I bet you are gonna be a doctor when you grow up". "YEAH!" said M. Then he starts gagging. Horrified, I said, "What's wrong?" "You said I could be a doctor when I throw up" said M.

2 boys

2009-03-18T21:38:00.001-06:00

If someone would have told me a month ago that I would be parenting two toddlers, I would have told them they were nuts-completely certifiable... And yet, here I am. Waking up to the sweet patter of little feet and sleepy voices asking if it is time to watch Thomas (the Tank Engine) and coming home from work to hugs and squeals and water fights in my backyard. It is amazing to me to see how well things are really shaping up. I don’t know how long these boys will be here but I am enjoying every single minute of it. Foster care has been so amazing. I think this is what I was born to do. There is no better feeling than to know that I am providing a safe, warm, comfortable, fun place to be for a little one (or two) who has been scared and hurt. One of the things I’ve become passionate about is getting the boys outside. Helping them learn to watch things grow and start to wonder about the beautiful things they see. It brings such a smile to my face when we are in the car and they get so excited about the hot air balloons in the morning and the moon coming up at night. We planted potatoes this week and they loved digging in the dirt and playing with the water. They are adventurous and active. They are sweet and polite. They burp and excuse themselves. They love shooting hoops and climbing ladders. They are completely obsessed with bananas, baby carrots and green beans. They seem to be relaxing more and more each day but still frequently ask “I wake up, I see you?”.

When I think of what these sweet boys have been through, I can’t help but wonder why. Why are some kids born into situations that are harmful and hurtful and desperate while others begin life in a world filled with joy and nurturing and positivity? My faith tells me that regardless of the circumstance, God can use it to create wonders but I can’t help but question the whys. I am so incredibly blessed to have an amazing family and a group of friends who are as close as family. I am so thankful for the support, encouragement, babysitting and offers of assistance. I cannot thank you all enough and I feel such immense gratitude for all of the blessings God has given me.

Quote of the Day

2009-02-26T21:52:00.000-07:00

I read this statement today. I think this is where joy starts.

"Christians today like to play it safe. We want to put ourselves in situations where we are safe 'even if there is no God.' But if we truly desire to please God, we cannot live that way. We have to do things that cost us during our life on Earth but will be more than worth it in eternity.""

2 boys 2 and 3 years old...

2009-02-26T18:59:00.006-07:00

So, two new little guys moved in with me today. They are two and three year olds who have been removed from their parents due to their inability to keep them safe. I got a call about them yesterday afternoon so I spent the early morning doing some kiddo grocery shopping. I don't believe coincidentally, I had already planned to take today off. Luckily, I found some spiderman comforters on sale and a couple matching trucks (anything to avoid the "I want that struggles :) )They pulled up in a white van about 10am and I peeked out the front window as they walked up to the house. I could see their tense little expressions but the older one reached out and took the younger boy's hand as they came toward the door. As I looked at their faces, I was struck by the resemblence to a girl I knew many years ago. After a few phone calls, it turns out that I knew their biological mom when she was a teenager. We actually spent quite a bit of time together and she was one of my favorite teens in a community group I led. They are adorable. Such good boys. Wild, active, jumping, into everything boys but also please and thank you, covering their mouths when they cough, counting, chatterbox, smart boys. We went over to Erika's house and the boys played with Jayden for a couple hours. They had a great time and I thought for sure they would crash out for a nap but no such luck. I'd probably have a hard time sleeping too in a completely new environment without anything familiar. I'm so glad they have each other. Erika sent us home with several great toys from Jaydo's playroom. We came home and my wonderful neighbor, Lyn, dropped by with a brand new sandbox with a lid, sand, sandbox toys, a road rug and 15 matchbox cars! She'd already dropped off a Thomas the Tank Engine train set and a car seat this morning. The boys absolutely loved the sandbox and cars when they got up from pretending to nap. They've spent the evening chasing the cat, taking a bath to get the beach worth of sand out of their hair and learning to pet the dog "gently". They ate a whole thing of macaroni and cheese and then were looking at the pictures on my refrigerator and kept saying "Yook, Jayden!" They were so excited to recognize someone. After their bath, I got them dressed in their new matching Mickey Mouse pajamas and they were so excited. The two year old said, "My Mickey pants? Tank you" and jumped up and down. I about cried. Tomorrow, I'm going to a pediatric appointment with Baby K and his new momma to introduce her to the nurses and doctor. I'm so glad she is open to including me in his life. He is such a special little guy and will hold a piece of my heart forever. My friend, Deb, volunteered to watch the boys while I go to the appointment. I'm sure they will have a blast playing with Levi! They start daycare on Monday but I'm so glad to be able to keep them close for the first couple days. Please pray for wisdom, patience and energy! I think I'm going to need an extra helping of all three!

Baby K is in his new home

2009-02-13T19:11:00.001-07:00

I knew this would be difficult and people keep asking me if I really want him to go to the new family. I don't. I wish things were different. But they aren't. And that is okay. It isn't easy but it is okay. In my heart, I know this is right. I often tell my clients, "just because something is hard, doesn't mean it's the wrong decision". I believe that sometimes the best choices are the most difficult.

I recently read something by Corrie Ten Boom, a survivor of the Holocaust. Ten Boom said that when she was a child she asked her father how she would ever do what God had for her to do. Her father's response was, “When you go to travel, when do I give you the train tickets or the money for it, three weeks before?” She said “No daddy, the day that I go to travel.” And her father said “That is what God does. You don’t need to be...have the power to be... But the moment that you have to the Lord will give you everything.”

I am smiling through my tears because I know that this child was with me for this time for a reason. I was able to love him, feed him and cuddle him at a time that he needed someone. He taught me that I do have the patience, endurance and love to be a mom. He also taught me that there is so much more important than career success. I will forever value my relationships with my family and friends to a greater extent because of what this child has taught me.

There was a time that I struggled with worry about the life he will have if he isn't with me. I am so thankful that because of my faith, I can know that God has a plan for him that is better than anything I can ever imagine. I'm not saying that I don't wonder or even start to fret but the bottom line is that God knew him before I did and made him resilient enough to rebound from his difficult start in life. He alone helped him route the small amount of nutrition he was getting into the places it had to go for him to be able to overcome. He is in control and I'm not. I am so thankful for that.

The Bible says, "We hath not a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and a sound mind. And the Holy Spirit is there always, to do the job, to make us ready." I know that on my own, I can't do this. Thankfully, I don't have to.

A tidbit of news

2009-01-22T21:03:00.004-07:00

The little one is so incredible. He is now rolling over, giggling at my horrible singing voice and has the cutest cheeks you've ever seen. His social worker said today that they have located a family for him. She didn't tell me anything else but said she'd call me in the morning to fill me in. Surprisingly, I didn't immediately have a pit in my stomach or a pang of jealousy. A low grade sadness that what we've shared in the last two months is coming to an end. But what I do feel is a joy that is unspeakable that the tiny, scared, bony baby that I brought home 2 months ago will soon be joining a family as a healthy, chubby, laughing little boy. I know I will probably be a mess when the day finally comes but I am so very glad I have the opportunity. A very wise foster/adoptive mom once said that at times like this, she likes to think of the quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem, In Memoriam: 27, 1850:

I hold it true,

whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

I couldn't agree more.

Welcome 2009!

2009-01-01T22:32:00.006-07:00

2008 wasn't a bad year---not the best but definately not the worst. I am filled with gratitude, peace and hope as I look forward to the coming year. It's amazing to me that no matter what happens, good or bad, when paired with time, God's hand is so evident in everything. I don't beleive that God plans or causes bad things to happen to us but I have been blessed to witness His amazing ability to mold the outcome into blessings. Because of that, I can exhuberently look for His miracles this year.

My resolutions are to exercise more, spend more time in God's word and try to be more organized. If I'm not mistaken, they are pretty similar to last year's. Oh well... I'm a magnificent mess. I'm okay with that. I do want to really focus on simplifying my life. I don't mean making things easier necessarily, I mean figuring out priorities and doing what is really important. I'm hoping to be more able to let go of the things that either don't matter in the grand scheme of things or that I truly can't change anyway.

Sorry if this post is disjointed, every few minutes I have to get up and put the baby's binky back in his mouth. It's interesting. He's so very tired but relies heavily on the small green rubber pacifier to give him a sense of calm and ease about falling asleep. He doesn't really need it, he often falls asleep without it but at night when he's really tired, if the binky falls out of his mouth, his eyes pop right open. He falls asleep just enough to relax a bit and loses the binky and his hold on sleep simultaneously. I can't help but think about what I rely on that is a false sense of security. What is my pacifier and what kind of true calm is it keeping from me?

Anyway, enough deep thoughts...

Christmas was wonderful. We played in the snow, relaxed in front of the fire and relished time with wonderful friends. I've got tons of great pictures of the Little One but can't post them due to confidentiality. Just know, he's doing so well! He's now 10lbs 6oz and smiling up a storm. He rolled over today for the first time while playing with his baby gym! It's been beautiful the last few days and we went to the park with Erika, Jayden, Tammy, Ro and Maya. What fun!

Merry Christmas from my home to yours

2008-12-21T16:10:00.001-07:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Ten pounds!!

2008-12-18T20:04:00.003-07:00

Please pray for Little One's family-biological and possible adoptive. It's looking like decisions will be made soon. He so deserves a safe, loving, permanent family. He is such a wonderful, sweet little guy.

Snow Day!!

2008-12-16T14:37:00.003-07:00

We were blessed with a snow day today so I'm sitting in front of my fireplace listening to the Little One snore. He's wrapped in several layers of fleece and looks very comfortable. He's been with me for three weeks as of yesterday and let's just say it doesn't look like his case is going to move all that quickly. He gained 6oz last week (he's now 9lbs, 6oz) and has another weight check scheduled for tomorrow. This whole process has been interesting to say the least. It's been so good for me to adjust my expectations and relinquish control of things. I tend to want to plan, know things in advance etc. That is pretty much impossible when you are doing foster care. We've got a very busy schedule this week including three visits with his mom, a pediatrician's appointment Wednesday to monitor his weight, homevisits with two different social workers (now that is just weird), a WIC appointment (also to monitor his weight) and a developmental evaluation. This is in addition to my work schedule. I am every so thankful for my flexible, supportive job! I won't be posting any identifying pictures to allow the Little One and his family their privacy but here's one of his sweet little hand while he's sleeping.

We are heading to Jemez Springs for Christmas next Tuesday and I can't wait to hunker down in front of the wood stove and watch the snow fall in the woods!

Another 15 ozs

2008-12-03T21:13:00.002-07:00

Little one had another appointment with his pediatrician today and had gained 15 oz in the last week. He's finally on the growth charts! It's really amazing to see the transformation from bald headed, skin and bone, translucent skin and listless to an inch of soft strawberry blond hair, rosy cheeks, full belly and smiles in only 10 days. I really thought I'd be more exhausted but I feel great. Tired, a little scattered but peaceful and energetic. I also wondered how I'd feel about caring for a child on a daily basis without knowing what the child's future held. The truth is, I wonder but I don't dwell on it. I hope and I pray for positive decisions and wise choices but I know that I am doing what I can do. I've also been pleasantly surprised by the amount of support I've gotten. People are just jumping over each other to love on this little guy. He's been blessed with material items, snuggles and prayers from friends and family all across the country.

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall. ~Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas

1 lb in 36 hours

2008-11-26T20:21:00.002-07:00

The little one had an appointment with his pediatrician today and had gained a pound since he was weighed Monday evening! It was so sweet, 2 doctors and at least four nurses came in to see him because they'd been so worried about him. Three of the nurses burst into tears when they heard his progress. One nurse looked at him and said to him, "thank you for reminding me why I work in Pediatrics". He's already making quite the impact on this big world. I'm so thankful I get to know him for this time.

Failure to Thrive

2008-11-25T11:49:00.003-07:00

I'm taking care of a tiny, little baby boy who was born about two months ago and only gained 1 oz. since birth. He is really adorable and is eating very well (4oz every 2-3 hours). I was worried that he might have reflux or something that would make it difficult to keep his formula down but no sign of that so far.

Apparently children normally grow at a rate of about 30 g (1 ounce)/day in early infancy (birth to 3 months) and this then slows to about 20 g/day from 3-6 months and to only 12-15 g/day in later infancy (6 - 12 months). Older children grow even more slowly, with toddlers (1-3 years) growing, at about 8 g/day, and preschool age children at about 6g/day.

Please pray for strength for this sweet baby.

Child proofing my house

2008-11-23T19:23:00.003-07:00

Jayden has taken it upon himself to make sure my house is safe and uncluttered...

Prayers for Foster Care

2008-11-21T20:53:00.002-07:00

Since being licensed to do foster care, I've been moved to pray for the children and their families. Due to my work schedule, I haven't been able to accept the situations presented to me so far but I know that prayer is the most important thing I can do anyway.... I found this list today and wanted to share it...

Foster Care Prayer Requests
Pray for the children entering foster care today, that they find an appropriate, kind and loving foster family to care for them until their birth families or relatives are able to do so.

Pray for the sibling groups of children entering foster care today, that they will be placed together in one foster home.

Pray for all the foster children in care, that their first foster home is also their last foster home, as multiple placements rob children of stability and love which is required to build the self-esteem needed to grow into responsible, caring adults.

Pray that more singles, couples and families become foster parents. More experienced and caring foster homes are needed to enable Division of Youth and Families Services to make appropriate placements that keep siblings together, make the first foster placement the only foster care placement, and assure each foster home is able and willing to meet the special needs of their foster children.

Pray that all children in out-of-home care will quickly return to a safe home or find an alternative permanent and loving home.

Please pray for God's intervention with all families to enable them to successfully complete programs for recovery and allow the reunification of foster children to safe and caring birth families.

Please pray that the federal, state and local governments, will see the plight of so many of our children and families and work toward prevention and increasing services.

Pray that God blesses all the caseworkers and staff who make decisions daily which have a huge impact on the lives of children and families. Their job is a thankless one, requiring walking a thin line, in that they are continually criticized for being too intrusive, removing children too quickly; and for not acting quickly enough, whenever a child is abused.

When a family reunification is unlikely in a reasonable time period, we pray that God's hand guides the judges at termination of parental rights trials to make their decision in the child's best interest. God bless the judges who must decide whether or not children return to birth families or become freed for adoption.

Pray for all those children whose birth families are unable to care for them, are freed for adoption, but have nobody willing to give them a forever home.

Pray that foster and adoptive families and their children receive the support and understanding of their communities.

Bless those who put idea into action and make a positive difference in the lives of children, particularly children in foster care.

National Adoption Day

2008-11-15T15:15:00.002-07:00

November is National Adoption Month. Every year, our Children's Court opens on a Saturday to finalize as many adoptions as possible to bring awareness to the need for foster and adoptive parents in the United States. Right now, there are over 500,000 kids in foster care in the U.S. Some of those kids will be reunited with their biological parents but others will need adoptive families. In the United States, there are currently 129,000 children in foster care waiting for adoptive families. In New Mexico, we currently have 350ish kids waiting for forever families. Today, we finalized 5 adoptions through our agency and 42 adoptions in the county. They are all incredibly important and reason to celebrate but one was especially close to my heart.

One was a preteen who I have been working with for about a year and half. In that time, she was devastated by saying goodbye to her biological mother, disappointed by a family member who turned out to be an inappropriate placement option for her, felt rejected by an adoptive family who had become pregnant after her placement with them and confused by two chaotic short term fostercare placements. This child is not easy but she is amazing. She can be self-centered and controlling. She is also bright, determined, caring and funny.

Earlier this summer, I was doing the bible study, "No Other Gods" by Kelli Minter with some wonderful friends. Here is an excerpt from my notes from August 14th... "I've come to realize that I have made my work a god in my life. I sometimes feel like if I don't fix something, it will stay broken. If I don't make things happen the way they should, everything will go awry. I live under an amount of stress that I don't think God wants in my life. I finally understand that when I go overboard fixing things for people, I may be getting in the way of God's plan for them. He is probably teaching them (and me) something in the struggle. This may not make sense to you but it is HUGE for me. In the meantime, I have a client, we'll call her, Ann. She is 12. Her mother made a voluntary adoption plan for her earlier this year and I placed her with a family. This family became pregnant immediately after the placement and chose not to continue with the adoption. This broke Ann's heart and created a sense of responsibility in me that was overwhelming. I felt like I was the only one that could/would figure things out for her. I couldn't sleep, I was always worried about her. I received several inquiries from families who were interested but none of them seemed right. For the last several months I've been reading a blog I found online written by a mom with a large family. I found her blog this spring when I was searching for information for a client. I was so interested on how in the world this family was thriving and loving and living. We'll call them "the Smith family". During this time, because of this study, I'm slowly realizing the depth of my misperceptions regarding allowing work to be a false god in my life (according to the bible, an idol is something other than God that we set our hearts on , that motivates us, that masters and rules us, or that we trust, fear or serve).

One morning, I was sitting outside in the backyard doing my biblestudy before work and realized the damage of my selfishness and attempt to control. I cried out to the Lord to take this situation. I admitted that He is the only one who knows where this little girl needs to be. I am powerless. I do not know what's best for her. I immediately felt a sense of peace. It was like the Lord was saying to me, "Megan, I've just been waiting for you to get here". As I was getting ready for work, I thought, I wish a family like "the Smiths" would send their profile. They seemed to really get what older kids need. They seemed to be the type of family that would stick it out no matter what. Later that day, I read "the Smiths" blog and there was a post about the fact that they had moved around the kids' rooms and there was an empty bed in one of the rooms and that if they ever adopted again, it would need to be a teenage girl. I about fell out of my chair. I literally wept. I knew in my heart I had to email them and just ask. Would they be interested? I sent an email that evening and by the next morning, they'd written back and said they were shocked, considering it and praying about it. Hope! I felt like I was going to sing. I just kept praising God. God was moving in ways that I could not even have imagined. After a few days, the Smiths said they felt that God wanted Ann to be in their home and they were interested in proceeding. I'm telling you, I couldn't stop praising the One who knew exactly where Ann needed to be. Walls I worried would be insurmountable were crumbling. I am shocked, humbled, amazed and so incredibly blessed to be witnessing the miracle the Lord is creating for Ann. Please join me in thanking God and asking for his peace, wisdom and grace. Please pray that Ann will be able to open her heart and be vulnerable. She is an incredible kid who has had so much disappointment in her life. Please pray that I can step back and observe the mighty hand of Ann's true Father."

Today we finalized "Ann's" adoption by the "Smith" family. God is good. She is home.

1 Thessalonians 1:3

2008-11-09T07:53:00.004-07:00

I will receive my foster care license on Wednesday. I don't know how long it will take for a child to actually be placed in my home. I am relying on God's impeccable timing and trusting that He will use every minute to prepare me for my next steps in this journey. I want to purge everything that would not be "child friendly" from my life and my home because I want my home to be a sanctuary of warmth, safety and security. Since I received the copy of my homestudy last week, I've been caught in a thought process that surprised me. Of course, I'm nervous and excited but mainly I've felt moved to pray. Pray for the state of our world, pray for our NEW PRESIDENT, pray for my friends and family, Pray for myself but above all---Pray for the little boy or girl out there who is in a less than optimal situation. There are approximately 500,000 kids in foster care in any one time in this country. Estimates are that three times that number are being abused/neglected in their home environments every day. The chances are good that the child who will soon be placed in my home is even now surrounded by chaos, danger, abuse or neglect. I work with these kids every day but it is so incredibly different to be on this side of things. Specifically, I am praying that God will be with this child in whatever their current circumstances. I am seeking God's miraculous intervention for protection, resiliency and peace.

My devotional this morning is Psalm 91:4-7
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.

Fall is officially here...

2008-10-26T18:35:00.002-06:00

So, last Sunday evening I spent time in my garden picking tomatoes, eggplant and onions. Everything was lush and green. This week, Albuquerque had at least two nights that hit 28 degrees. I know it is October but I still wasn't expecting it. Within a week, the morning glories have shriveled, the peach tree lost its leaves and the veggies are dead. My Dad is coming for a visit on Tuesday and I was really hoping he'd be able to see the yard before everything turned brown. For some odd reason, my family seems to only visit when it's the cold season. But oh well... I'm usually a very "glass is half full" kinda gal so I'm trying to focus on the delightful crisp temperatures, the joy of my fireplace in the evenings and the cozy down comforter covering my bed. I'm also planning some home improvements while it's too cold to garden. I hope to paint the living room, kitchen and hallway and put in new flooring throughout before my heirloom seed packets arrive in February.

In other news, I have a meeting scheduled to meet with the homestudy social worker (it's so weird to say that cause that's usually me) on November 24th to be licensed as a foster parent. The questions and second guessing have given way to a profound peace and bubbling excitement. I am really looking forward to drawing on the fun, secure childhood my parents provided and the knowledge and skills from my education and career path to give a child a safe, stable home for however long God chooses to use me.

Update

2008-09-29T20:20:00.003-06:00

Thank you to everyone who has been so incredibly supportive of my newest adventure-Foster Care! The piles of paperwork are done, the fingerprints are submitted, the doctor signed my clearance and my electrical outlets are covered. My home visit was today and now the worker just has to write up the report. He said that I should be licensed within the next couple weeks. Please keep praying and know that I am so incredibly thankful for your friendship and support (All 13 reference letters brought tears to my eyes!). Yesterday, I was second guessing/overthinking/being pessimistic and out of the blue a waitress started telling me about how she had been in foster care between the ages of 2-4 and now at the age of 24, she wants to find her foster mom and thank her for the huge impact she had on her life. She didn't know me, she didn't know my thoughts...but God did.

Also...strangely enough...my fortune cookie today said "Children will play an important role in your life". As if they already don't... I know this is probably going to be the most difficult thing I've ever done...it's going to tax my patience, skills and faith...It's going to force me to step outside of myself and completely lose my false sense of control. I can't wait.

Stepping out...

2008-09-21T10:15:00.007-06:00

The garden is in full bloom but there are signs that Fall is here. Some of the leaves are fading, the roses are slow to flower and the tomatoes are plentiful. I love this time of year --the temperature is perfect, the holidays are just around the corner and I can just sit back and the garden is established. I tend to dread the slow approach of winter however-the thought of all my beautiful, carefully tended plants breathing their last is always difficult for me. Some just hold their breath til Spring but others are no more. For any overly involved gardener, that's a rough time. I saw this quote today though that put it all into perspective..." To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring.” George Santayana ~~~
My desire for this week is to see the beauty and embrace each day. To be content and full of appreciation for this season whatever tomorrow brings.

Quandaries...

2008-09-05T08:30:00.007-06:00

Last spring, I was thrilled to find seeds for lime green zinnias. I bought purple, pink and the lime green ones and planted the seeds very carefully. I had a pattern of color in my head that I just knew was going to be great. Well, nothing happened. Okay, not nothing, but only the purple and pink ones. My vision was not to be. Bummer. Then, all of a sudden this summer- Waa LAA! (Is that how you spell it?) A great lime green zinnia. Okay, Lord, I get it. Wait and You'll do it in your timing. Did I mention that it came up in a completely different area than I planted it? Again, Okay, I get it. Your ways not mine. Things may look completely different than I had planned but can still be just as beautiful. Then I see this one. Soooo amazing. The picture doesn't do it justice. It is the only white morning glory with purple stripes. It completely stands out and completely fits in. The purple is the exact same color tone as the Russian Sage it is climbing. You may be asking, Megan, Why are you reading so much into the flowers in your yard? There is a method to my madness. Okay, maybe not a method but a reason. As long as I can remember, God has spoken to my family through flowers. When my Mom lost a dear dear friend a couple years ago, the Lord gave her an incredible hydrangea bloom that this friend knew she wanted. When I was a kid and my precious dog passed away, a single daffodil bloomed above where she was buried the year after she died. I'm not getting all foo foo or anything, but I do believe that God speaks to us in ways that only we can understand. That's how well He knows us and how much He wants us to get what He has to say to us. How incredible is that?

I am confused right now. Not upset, not sad, not agitated. Just contemplative. For several years, I've been playing with the idea of foster care. I've always believed that I would adopt some day. I remember as a little girl that some of my dolls were biological children and some joined my doll family through adoption. I'm sure at the time, I'd have probably described that in a much less PC way but you get the picture. I've also worked with kids and families for my whole career so adoption and foster care is not something foreign to me at all. I always assumed that I would meet Mr. Perfect and have babies and adopt some babies and live happily ever after. Well, I do feel like I am in the happily ever after but the first two wishes just haven't materialized. So what's a single girl in her mid 30's to do? I have never been one of those people that think, "Gee, I think it would be great to be a single parent". I believe strongly that children need two parents. But then I see so many kids that don't even have one.

People that know me well, know that the theme verse for the last several years has been, "Wait for the Lord". I have been. Not patiently but willingly. In the last several months, I've been feeling a tug toward foster care-maybe that is my path. I don't want to step for a moment outside God's will for me and I do not want to not step out in faith. See my quandary?

Lessons from the Dog Whisperer

2008-09-01T20:04:00.005-06:00

I spent the first part of today cleaning out my closet (with Eminem lyrics in my head) and bagging up clothes for the Goodwill. While I sat on the floor and went through my drawers, I was thrilled to find a Dog Whisperer marathon on the National Geographic Channel. I totally heart the Dog Whisperer. After watching several episodes of him telling ridiculous (very much like me) dog owners to "Be the pack leader and exude calm, assertive energy", I got the perfect opportunity to try out my new skills. Tammy called and asked if we wanted to go meet them at the park and play tennis. I just knew that the 3 hours I spent absorbing Caesar's wisdom would pay off. My dogs would be miraculously transformed by my new peaceful demeanor and The psycho fencing bumping dogs down the street would be no match for my tranquil attitude. Lately I've been using a connector dealiebob to take the dogs on a walk using just one leash. I hadn't ever seen the Dog Whisperer use one and despite my initial excitement, I understand why. Picture dogs jumping over each other, getting caught on either side of posts, trees, mailboxes etc. During my epic closet cleaning adventure this morning, I'd uncovered a leash that I had thought was long gone. This created yet another way I could use my new found knowledge. I got the leashes on the dogs and was repeating to myself, "Calm and Assertive". If you have to repeat it, I'm guessing you aren't feeling it, in hindsight. Anyway, I opened the door and forgot the first lesson immediately (you go out first, dogs follow you)...oh well. Anyway, I spent the first 3 blocks doing the DW hiss and jerking them away from everything. My calm, assertive attitude was quickly dissipating along with the feeling in my hands. But an amazing thing happened at some point in block 4, the dogs fell in line! There was slack in each leash and they were happily trotting next to me. It wasn't perfect, we definately stopped more times to "water the plants" than I would like, but it was seriously incredible. It really works... On the way home, I was thinking about how nice it was to walk without tension and have a peaceful, relaxing walk. It reminded me of my walk with God-- how many times do I bolt out the door without stopping to make sure He wants me to go? In order to find peace, the dogs needed to be on a short leash that was independant of anyone else. This part really got me... They needed to be close enough to feel a quick reminder tug in order to stay on the path. If one of them got distracted by something they didn't need to focus on, I just gave them a quick tug and a verbal reminder and they looked forward and walked the path I had for them. They had to respect that I was the leader and trust that I knew where we were going. How many times do I ignore that still small voice when I'm looking elsewhere? Both dogs are now passed out on the floor after thoroughly enjoying our walk. I feel like we all had a breakthrough. Tomorrow, my goal is to respond to each little tug and keep my eyes on the path before me.

Happy Graduation to my "Brother-Dog", Darby

2008-08-29T20:30:00.003-06:00

Darby is 12 months old and just earned Top of the class in his obedience school. He was given two toys and a bowl of doggie ice cream. I think the real applause should go to my Mom for rangling this huge puppy through his lessons!

I heart Morning Glories!

2008-08-22T09:31:00.004-06:00

This one is struggling to survive after sprouting up between the flagstone in my patio

Okay, I know this isn't a Morning glory but I figured I would include an update on the garbage disposal squash... I think I need to replant...

Blessings and Awe

2008-08-08T23:19:00.003-06:00

The amazing garbage disposal squash...

I've got so much I want to write about but so little time at the moment....In the meantime, I'll post some pictures.

Garden patch bringing unity... I love it!

2008-08-07T09:43:00.001-06:00

Wednesday, August 6, 2008Last updated 12:49 a.m. PT
Life grows where death took root
Central Area P-patch groundbreaking is Saturday near sites of 2 shootings
By DEBERA CARLTON HARRELLP-I REPORTER
Residents in the Central Area, frustrated by recent shootings in their neighborhood, want to bring the community together around something upbeat: a new P-patch.
Neighbors plan to break ground Saturday on the long-awaited Spring Street P-patch, located on a city-owned lot near the sites of two separate, fatal shootings in recent months.
Though small – about 1,922 square feet – it is of huge significance, residents say.
"The P-patch has been in the works for almost two years, but has become more relevant and needed in light of the tragedies," said Christina Cummings, co-project coordinator with neighbor Mel Tomlin. "The shootings have given us all the more reason to make the garden a reality."
Scott MacGowan, who grew up in the Central Area and helped spearhead efforts to get the P-patch land, agreed. The death Jan. 30 of Degene Berecha Dashasa, a 31-year-old Ethiopian immigrant who owned the Philadelphia Cheese Steak restaurant, hit neighbors very hard, MacGowan said.
"He (Dashasa) was one of the initial donors to the P-patch; it really helped us build momentum with local business owners and the community," MacGowan said. A memorial to Dashasa, whose restaurant was at 23rd Avenue and East Union Street, may be included in the garden's design, he added.
Rey Alberto Davis-Bell, 23, was charged with first-degree murder in Dashasa's death.
MacGowan said the neighborhood has become safer since the shootings, which were within a three-block radius of the P-patch. But the tragedies spurred calls for more public safety – in part through increased understanding, respect and trust among the area's increasingly diverse residents.
In this, the garden plays a major role, residents say.
"We want this to be a unity garden," MacGowan said. "A lot of people ... didn't want to get involved, but I think that's changing now. … We want to use the P-patch to bring everyone together to talk about gardening, their different cultures – able to relate to each other better."
Choked with weeds and thick with 6-foot-high blackberry bushes, the lot will take substantial work to clear before a garden takes shape. Neighborhood volunteers will be joined by the Student Conservation Association, Reel Youth and goats from the Goat Justice League.
"It's pretty weedy, but it won't look like that after this weekend," said Rich Macdonald, P-patch program manager for the city of Seattle. "And in six months, it will be a great place for people to gather around – a real community-building place."
The Spring Street P-patch is one of 69 P-patches throughout the city, Macdonald said. Bolstered by an urban grow-your-own food trend, a hunger for open space and "people just wanting something good happening in their neighborhood," the number of such gardens has grown by two to five a year the past 15 years, he said.
"P-patches provide a lot of things for a community," Macdonald said. "Growing your own food is something that cuts across all classes of people; well off or not, they can put food on their table. But they also help provide green space that helps neighborhoods feel complete."
P-patch development citywide has been funded by the Department of Neighborhood's matching fund program. After the site was bought by the city for $185,000 in late 2007, at the community's urging, neighbors began planning, organizing volunteer efforts and fundraising to earn a $15,700 matching grant, awarded in March.
Contributions included cash as well as donated time from a local architect and surveyor – and volunteers.
Later work parties, Cummings said, will involve moving dirt, building a retaining wall, installing a water system and building about 15 plots.
"We're hoping," as Cummings put it, "to provide a space for people to come together to get their needs met … and give neighbors something to talk about besides crime and violence."
FOR MORE INFORMATION
Central Area neighbors are holding a groundbreaking Saturday to prepare a site for the Spring Street P-patch. Volunteers are welcome, but must RSVP to annachristina02@gmail.com.
The event is 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. at the corner of 25th Avenue and East Spring Street.
For details: seattle.gov/neighborhoods/ppatch/locations/55.htm
P-I reporter Debera Carlton Harrell can be reached at 206-448-8326 or deberaharrell@seattlepi.com.

When the sun shines, there is no prettier place...

2008-08-03T16:25:00.002-06:00

I'm home in Snoqualmie (30 miles east of Seattle) for a few days. A special thank you to Tammy and Ro for taking care of my garden and to Erika and Steve for putting up with my puppies! I'll owe you all big if everything is alive when I get back! In the meantime, here are a few pictures from the last couple of days. My parents work so hard to tame their beautiful property...

The ongoing tale of the Garbage Disposal Squash

2008-07-26T14:08:00.003-06:00

The starts are growing very quickly and appear to be adjusting well to life outside the disposal...

Sprouting Squash in the Garbage Disposal

2008-07-24T09:27:00.002-06:00

Okay, I've been known to try some pretty unique ways of doing things...but this is ridiculous... As I came in from outside, I spotted the little sprout poking its little head out of the garbage disposal. My first thought was, "Oh Lord, please don't let that be a snake poking out of my sink". I crept up close to it and gave it a little tug and the whole mess came popping right out. I think it's got to be spaghetti squash inards that apparently didn't get disposalized ( I love making up new words) properly. Being the psychotic gardener I am, I promptly planted the whole mess of sprouts in the garden. I don't know how it'll work, but I've always been up for a fun experiment. I'm a little worried about Curby the Squash (yes, I'm aware I am a total dork). It's pretty hot outside but it can't be worse than the inside of a garbage disposal...

Hummingbirds and Butterflies and Squashbugs...Oh MY!

2008-07-12T19:19:00.008-06:00

I am on a mission. A very important mission. I will rid my yard of an enemy. An enemy that is sneaky, overwhelmingly destructive and quite frankly, extremely smelly. I have sworn to rid my environment of the disgusting squash bug! I have discovered that if I give my squash plants a quick but thorough soak with the hose, wait a few seconds and they crawl up to the tops of the leaves to dry off. Then they are swiftly but gently removed from the plant and whacked or if you prefer... sent to sleep with the fishes, bought the farm, pushing up daisies or kicked the bucket. Whatever, I don't care what you call it but they are smitherines! I need to do a quick disclaimer here to reassure you that I have not completely lost my mind and become a crazy bug killer. I was actually slightly momentarily concerned about my obsession but when I did a search online I found quotes like,
" Satan is that nasty squash bug. Not only does he want what he can't have and hasn't earned, he wants to make us miserable like he is. He wants to use us and then leave us dead. He attacks where he thinks we won't see, or where we won't notice (the underside of the leaf), and starts out small an innocent. You should see the size of these eggs - literally the size of a mustard seed! If gone unchecked, those eggs would have hatched into something bigger and much more destructive, and then where do they go? Straight to the soul of the plant!I'm also amazed at how MAD this is making me!"

Okay, well, I may be crazy but at least I'm not alone!

Seriously though, I have always had a soft spot for everything...seriously everything... (when I was a kid, I'd rotate out my toys and dolls so that none of them felt bad for spending too much time in the closet). I have been known to rescue numerous creepy crawlies from my home, friend's homes, the office and relocate them to the out of doors much to the dismay of many more squeemish friends and family members. But these nasty squashbugs have triggered some basic kill or be killed instinct in me. They attack my sweet little squash and I must destroy them!

On a happier and slightly less obsessive and morbid note, when I took a break from hunting squashbugs I was blown away by the sheer volume of flying objects in my yard...

I feel like I should be wearing green and planting four leaf clovers

2008-07-10T22:12:00.004-06:00

Jayden decided that he needed to take a sunflower home with him. Good thing there are plenty...

What would you say?

2008-07-06T16:05:00.010-06:00

What a beautiful day! Spent some time this afternoon working in the yard and then read and enjoyed the birds while the birds discovered the new birdseed and sunflowers. I'm reading a fiction book about forgiveness and valuing the people in our lives. It's an interesting concept--A plane crashed (fabulous, I have to fly later this month) into the water outside Tampa Bay, Florida and a woman finds a note with the words, "Dear T~ All is forgiven. I love you, Dad" in a ziplock bag floating in the debris. There are no survivors. She gives the note to a reporter who attempts to find the intended recipient. I was sitting in my garden thinking about what I would need to say to people if my time on earth were coming to a quick, dramatic end. I know it sorta sounds morbid but it's really wasn't. Why not think of what I would want to say and say it now? Why wait and never get the chance? I suppose I am afraid of feeling silly, thinking that it's not the right time....but what is that really in comparison with never being able to express something so important? What kind of difference could it make in my relationships if my focus becomes telling people how important they are to me?, It also made me think about the love that God, Our Heavenly Father, has for us. He also gave us the gift of love and forgiveness in written form. That helped me to realize the importance of giving those I love a written account of my feelings. I know there have been so many times that I've looked at important letters over and over again or sat with my bible in my lap and touched the words as I read them. When things mean something, we want to revisit them...hear, touch, see them.

I'm basically a sentimental sap. I keep everything that means anything to me. I have no idea where my diplomas are, I haven't the foggiest idea where important papers are hiding but I know exactly where to find pictures, old cards and notes from friends and family. I have a card sitting on a shelf in my hallway from some flowers my Dad (or as he likes to say "my Da") sent me for St. Patrick's Day when I was in college. It was such a sweet, unexpected gesture and it reminds me of his kindness, generosity and affinity toward fun and celebration. I've also got a card my Mom sent me displayed with some special glass items in my kitchen. I love that card because I could tell that she spent time looking for something that I would enjoy. It reminded me of her love, her desire to see the best for those she loves and her appreciation of style and beauty. I am so blessed to have parents that are always willing to help (my garden is proof of their time and hard work), who are generous, loving and fun. I could write for hours about funny memories, creative activities and valuable lessons but I wonder if I've done a good job of letting them know how much I appreciate them? I'm not sure but I know it can't hurt to try harder.

So for what it's worth.... Dear Mom and Dad, All is Remembered...I love you, M

Happy Anniversary Ma & Baba

2008-07-03T06:52:00.003-06:00

Today is my grandparent's anniversary. Even though they passed away years ago, they are a constant in my daily life. Their humor, their wisdom and their love have made an impact on me and everyone who knew them. They loved each other so much and today I will celebrate.

Birds Don't Hold Grudges...

2008-06-29T13:01:00.003-06:00

Yesterday I bought some new songbird food. Apparently, it is a hit because this morning my yard was taken over by tiny little chirping birds. The thing that struck me was that even though there was plenty of food and two full feeders, they seemed to compete and antagonize each other. I watched wings flail and heard angry chirps as I watched in amazement. The strange thing was that they would fight each other and then sit happily next to each other and grab seeds from the feeders. Apparently, birds don't hold a grudge.

Two twin butterflies joined the fray today too. Butterflies always amaze me. These were incredible with bright colors of yellow, black and blue.

Squash, anyone?

2008-06-26T19:33:00.003-06:00

There is nothing better than fresh squash on the grill~~I threw in a jalapeno and a couple tomatoes that were ready too.

Even Sunflowers have to Wake Up Slowly

2008-06-23T07:31:00.002-06:00

Happy Monday!

Proactive Pest Control

2008-06-20T11:32:00.006-06:00

I decided to take a proactive stance on controlling those nasty tomato hornworms and stinky squash bugs this year. I don't use chemicals on my plants because the thought of all those nasty cancer causing substances soaking into my fresh, healthy veggies gives my the heeby geebies. So, I did some research and came up with the idea of planting certain things like anise, garlic, onion, french marigolds, celery and parsley in specific locations to try to discourage the little nasties from invading my garden. The other thing I've been doing is watering about once a week with compost tea... Love it!! So far it's working.... I've also noticed an increase in beneficial insects like praying mantis and ladybugs....

Terrific Tuesday

2008-06-17T13:41:00.003-06:00

I started a new biblestudy today called "No Other Gods" by Kelly Minter. It's set up so that you do the study with a small group of friends over about 10 weeks. My group is friends in Colorado and Virginia and we are communicating via the internet. I'm so excited. I think this is going to jump start some reevaluation of my priorities...

Busy Day but so Much Fun!

2008-06-13T20:48:00.007-06:00

Jayden pretending to be Elton John

Sweet 'lil Maya

The first thing I planted at my house... a tiny lavender that now threatens to take over the front yard...I wouldn't really be opposed.

I didn't get to sleep in but who was I really kidding anyway...I never sleep in. Steve called this morning to ask if I'd be willing to watch Jayden today since he wasn't feeling well. I'm not happy Steve's got a cold but I love spending time with the funniest almost one year old I know. We started the day by hanging out with Tammy and Maya.

Went to lunch at Dion's---love the Greek salad with Ranch dressing! Shopped at Lowe's (really cool misting fan for outside), Hobby Lobby (lanterns and candles that I didn't really need) and Party City (decorations for Jayden's first birthday party next week). Then Erika, Jayden and the dogs and I went for a walk to the park and relaxed in the backyard for awhile. I can't believe my first day off went so quickly! Can't wait for tomorrow... Garage sales here I come!

I'm off for the next 5 days!!!

2008-06-12T18:48:00.001-06:00

Not sure what I'm going to do with myself but I do know I'll be spending lots of time in the garden!

The first Sunflower and Red Tomato of the Year

2008-06-08T16:58:00.005-06:00

I had a lesson in balance this morning. I need many more lessons. As I walked through the yard checking on my tiny veggies, I noticed that a couple plants (anise and parsley) are doing so incredibly well that they are dwarfing the plants around them. The plants are trying to grow in the shadows without full access to sunlight and their tiny roots are probably fighting with the stronger roots for nutrients. If you know me well, you know I have a weird aversion to cutting things back and pruning but it's becoming more and more clear that I'm going to have to address this situation.

It made me think about other areas in my life that may be "dwarfed" by things. The specific situation that came to mind was my career. For so long, I have focused almost entirely on the requirements of my job at the detriment sometimes of my personal life, my chores around the house and my dreams. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and am so grateful for the joys it brings me. However, just like the anise and parsley, it seems to be growing too quickly at the expense of the things around it. When anything in life takes up so much space that other things suffer, it's time to reevaluate. Pruning my plants sometimes gives me a guilty twinge (poor stem didn't get a chance to be everything it could) but I know it needs to be done for the betterment of the entire plant. I struggle with this issue because it requires me to relinquish control and trust God to help me make the choices that bring Him glory above all else. In both these situations, it seems so much simpler if I keep my eyes on the bigger picture. Let my focus today be on the possibilities that pruning brings...

I have a love/hate relationship with Sunday evening

2008-06-01T19:44:00.004-06:00

I sort of love Sunday evening because I have usually finished the weekend chores around the house and it's my mellow time. I sort of hate Sunday evening because my brain starts to revert back to "work" me. I start to check my email more frequently and look at my calendar more often. I had a great weekend and got a lot done in the yard and in my house. Had a bbq with friends and then ended the day relaxing in the garden reading a great book. The book was the final installment of a series called the "Yada Yada Prayer Group". It's always so amazing to me how God speaks to me through books. You may think I'm crazy but it's incredible how many times it's happened. Today's message was right on time as always: I need to rely only on God. So often, we get caught up in leaning on friends or family to meet our needs and they may or may not be able to do so. But in all ways, in all things, at all times, the Lord is there and is the only one able and willing to meet every need. Happy Sunday!

Happy Memorial Day!

2008-05-26T19:52:00.004-06:00

Jayden, Erika and Shumba enjoying the plastic pool...
I know it's a weed but I love it...
Jayden enjoying the sun after his dip in the pool...

Memorial Day is an amazing holiday but the meaning is easily forgotten in our jubiliation over a day off work, the beautiful weather and fun with family and friends. I want to take this moment to thank all who have served in our armed forces, our first responders and everyone who puts others before themselves. This country would be nothing without you!

I spent today reading in my garden, visiting High Country Gardens, playing at the park with some of my favorite people, the Quinatas and swimming and bbqing with Erika and Jayden. What a wonderful day. My goal for this week is to set my alarm just 30 minutes earlier than necessary so that I can spend some time reading my bible in the garden. Things are changing so quickly out there that hopefully that will be some motivation!

While the Gardener is Away, the Plants will Play....

2008-05-25T18:09:00.004-06:00

So I just got back from a fantabulous four day minivaca to Erika and Steve's cabin in Jemez Springs. The weather was odd to say the least...snow for two days and warm, wonderful sun for two days. I do love diversity but that's a little extreme... Anyway, while the weather was cold, I was so stressed that my tiny squash and baby tomatoes would be damaged but when I got home everything looked great. In fact, things looked like they'd grown a couple weeks worth in four days. I guess that just reinforced my last post about how I need to back off a bit and let things just be.

Rest

2008-05-18T09:23:00.006-06:00

Jayden was happy and loving the garden until he realized that his mama was eating cheezits without him!

Matthew 11 says Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest. I've been tired lately and I need rest. If I'm not careful, I can get discontented and start focusing on the things in my life that are not as I would choose. This week, I've been trying to keep my eyes on the incredible blessings that God has given me and the amazing opportunities he has in his plan for me. I know I am exactly where the Lord wants me at this moment and I am committed to enjoying each day and appreciating every moment--doing what I can to facilitate positive change in the world around me. I love the verse listed above because that is my struggle...I forget to rest and refresh(although my dogs obviously don't have that issue). I was working in my yard this morning when suddenly I realized, it's okay to rest. It's okay to take deep breaths and let things happen. I am not in control and never have been despite my best efforts. My garden teaches me that every day. Despite my best efforts, things will thrive or wither on their own timetable. In the face of that, I must still do my best to care for them by providing nutrition (GO COMPOST TEA!), access to sunlight, a safe environment and water. I do my best but then I have to back off...I have to let them be. That's so difficult for me. I'm a fixer but the garden has taught (is teaching) me...

Happy Mother's Day!

2008-05-11T21:51:00.006-06:00

I am so thankful for the amazing woman that is my mother. I'm so blessed to have a strong, intelligent woman who taught me to be selfsufficient, kind and loving. She taught me to love and appreciate all of God's creation...the water, the soil and animals. I can't even imagine where I would be without her...Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Happy Mother's Day to all my wonderful mama friends....I am so proud of all of you! Your love for your children inspires me.

I also want to wish a very special first Mother's Day to Erika...

Jayden is such an amazing, beautiful little wonder!

A work in progress...

2008-05-04T18:01:00.005-06:00

Seven years ago today, one of my favorite people in the world was born. Happy Birthday Cristian Elijah! There have been difficult things and amazing things that have happened in the last seven years. Truly the highest of highs and lowest of lows. It's incredible to think that seven years ago today a new little soul was born and today he is a brilliant, inquisitive, sensitive little man with unlimited potential to impact this world.

One of the reasons I blog about my garden is to see the progress...to watch as tiny little nondescript seeds become tall, bright sunflowers, beautiful roses and nutritious veggies. This is my third year of gardening and I think my little plot is starting to take on a mind of its own...

May = Wind in Albuquerque

2008-05-02T07:49:00.004-06:00

I had to go to Santa Fe for work today so I went to High Country Gardens and picked up some fantastic stuff.... Unfortunately, it was too windy to plant by the time I got home but I can't wait to see what these beauties are going to look like in the ground tomorrow afternoon!

Jayden is exhausted after spending all day shopping and playing...

My asparagus fern is finally coming up..

I love Spring

2008-04-26T16:51:00.007-06:00

A chile pepper and pumpkin from my garden

2007-10-16T19:43:00.000-06:00

What do you do when you are drowning in tomatoes?

2007-10-13T21:51:00.000-06:00

I realized this morning that this week will probably bring the first frost of the season. While that means that I'll finally be able to wear the sweatshirts I bought at Old Navy in Denver, it also means that I have literally hundreds of tomatoes still on the vine that will be ruined if left outside. Sooooooo...what to do? Gallons of marinara sauce and salsa? The only problem with that is limited freezer space. I found directions about making sundried tomatoes that allows them to be stored in the refrigerator indefinately. So I'm now embarking on a little project I call Operation Tomato Tanning... Is it strange I find myself singing, "Ya down with OTT, Yeah you know me..."? I scare myself sometimes :)

Mid Summer Night..

2007-08-15T20:28:00.000-06:00

Peaches and Peppers and Eggplant, Oh MY!

2007-08-05T08:48:00.001-06:00

I am fighting a never ending war with the squash bugs! They refuse to die (actually, I'd be happy if they just left). I tried to do a garlic spray but I think they actually liked their new cologne. My friend, Tina (see favorite websites) found a recipe for a squash bug deterrent that actually included 2 cups of chopped up squash bugs. At first I was completely disgusted and wondered how anyone could even think of that kind of carnage, but I must admit it's looking better every day. I'm usually the person who saves spiders and moves any other kind of bug to a new home but these Squash bugs have tapped into some sort of kill or be killed response. The good news is that the squash is probably winding down anyway and they don't seem to be bothering anything else in the garden. The peaches are starting to ripen despite their earlier issues and I made a peach crisp last night (thanks for the recipe, Dad AKA Celtic Gardener). I actually made way too much so was able to share it with the neighbors. The eggplant has also been going to town. Its now in a race with the Spaghetti Squash to take over for last year's zucchini crop as the vegetable I'm most likely to be pedaling to anyone I see. Ex. "Hey, garbage man, Do you like Eggplant? You want some?" They may look at me funny initially, but they never turn it down and my garbage can is always standing upright when I get home now. The peppers are also starting to lean forward from the weight of their fruit. I noticed yesterday that the grocery stores are starting to roll out their pepper roasters so I'm guessing they should be ripe enough any day now. If you have ever visited New Mexico in August, it is the smell of roasting green chile that will stay with you. I think they can probably smell it from space! I can't wait.

Stormy night

2007-07-31T19:58:00.001-06:00

One of my favorite things about living in New Mexico is the stormy summer evenings. It hasn't started raining buckets yet but the thunder is getting louder.

This morning's harvest

2007-07-29T08:19:00.000-06:00

Where flowers bloom so does hope.

2007-07-24T07:28:00.001-06:00

2007-07-21T21:18:00.000-06:00

Let there be light...

2007-07-19T08:05:00.000-06:00

2007-07-16T21:15:00.000-06:00

a few of my favorite things....

2007-07-11T22:46:00.000-06:00

2007-07-08T19:05:00.001-06:00

Butterflies and Fruit Tragedy.... I guess you have to take the good with the bad...

2007-07-06T17:15:00.000-06:00

I never thought I would hear myself say, "I am so excited, I have worms!" But, this morning as my hands dug through the earth around my potato plants to find a few jems for this afternoon's bbq, those very words came from my lips. I am thankful that I was speaking to someone who vaguely understands my obsession with gardening. For people living in other parts of the country, it probably seems ridiculous to be enthusiastic about a few measly earthworms, but to me, it was a reminder of how far my little yard has come (For proof see the first couple posts on this blog). I've still got a lot I want to do and a huge amount to learn about gardening but the fact that some earthworms have chosen to live at my house tells me I'm doing something right. I've read so many times that you can tell the value of your soil by the number of earthworms in it and sadly, until this morning, I'd never seen one.

So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.

2007-07-04T09:06:00.000-06:00

As we celebrate today, let's remember to be thankful for our freedom, those who fight to protect our rights and to God for his grace, his creation and for the diversity in this beautiful country.

Happy 4th of July!!!

It's Hot!!

2007-07-01T08:07:00.001-06:00

It was 104 degrees yesterday and they are saying it should be hotter today and tomorrow!

Mystery squash....

2007-06-28T18:59:00.001-06:00

Anybody know what this is??

Haven't been able to spend much time out here in the last couple weeks but things seem to be doing okay on their own. I planted so many different kinds of vine veggies that I'm a little confused what is what. The sunflower is over 6 feet tall. My corn is starting to develop silk, so I am really excited for some fresh corn soon.
..

Jayden Wynn Tode

2007-06-28T08:49:00.000-06:00

I wanna see Auntie Mei Mei!!!!

Perspective

2007-06-23T11:59:00.001-06:00

With a few flowers in my garden, half a dozen pictures and some books, I live without envy.- Lope de Vega

Spending time in my garden is so good for my soul. It reminds me what is really important. Simplicity and God's goodness. The flowers and vegetables don't need anything but sunlight, water and a good foundation of nutrient rich soil. If I spent more of my life, taking only what I truly need from the earth and raising my face and my arms toward the Son, how much more would I thrive?

God made rainy days so gardeners could get the housework done. ~Author Unknown

2007-06-20T07:38:00.000-06:00

Show me your garden and I shall tell you what you are ~ Alfred Austin

2007-06-19T07:04:00.002-06:00

Gardening is about enjoying the smell of things growing in the soil, getting dirty without feeling guilty, and generally taking the timeto soak up a little peace and serenity.-

Lindley Karstens

Here's what I found this morning.

2007-06-18T06:27:00.000-06:00

There is nothing I love more than getting up at the crack of dawn, having my quiet time and listening to the birds discover whatever has emerged in the garden overnight.

You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it. --Matthew 21:22, NLT

New Pictures

2007-06-17T18:31:00.000-06:00

June 2007

2007-06-17T17:22:00.000-06:00

It's 96 degrees and the artichoke is growing so fast, I can't stop watching it!

What, When, Where...

2007-04-08T07:08:00.000-06:00

Plant Number Date Planted In/Out Doors Company Outcome
Echinacea 3 3/4/2007 In Ferry Morse +
Microgreens 6 3/4/2007 In Burpee +
Morning Glory 3 3/4/2007 In Burpee +
Delphinium 6 3/4/2007 In Burpee -
Stock 6 3/4/2007 In Lake Valley -
Shirley Poppy 6 3/4/2007 In Lake Valley +
Calendula 6 3/4/2007 In Botanical Interests +
Eggplant 6 3/4/2007 In Burpee ++
Cherry Tomato 6 3/4/2007 In Ferry Morse ++
Peppercini 6 3/4/2007 In Botanical Interests +
Cauliflower 6 3/4/2007 In Lake Valley +
Pumpkin 6 3/4/2007 In Burpee +
Parsley 6 3/4/2007 In Burpee +
Morning Glory 7 3/10/2007 In Livingston +
Lemon Balm 12 3/10/2007 In Lake Valley +
Spaghetti Squash 12 3/10/2007 In Lake Valley +
Sunflowers 12 3/10/2007 In Livingston ++
Chamomile 12 3/10/2007 In Livingston +
Sugar Snap Peas 12 3/10/2007 In Livingston --
Cilantro 6 3/10/2007 In Ferry Morse ++
Aparagus 1 3/17/2007 Out Mary Washington ?
Red Potatoes 6 3/17/2007 Out ++
White Potatoes 6 3/17/2007 Out ++
Lettuce 1row 3/17/2007 Out Burpee +
Celery 4 3/17/2007 In Ferry Morse ++
Zinnia 12 3/17/2007 In Ferry Morse ++
Peas 3 rows 3/17/2007 Out Lake Valley --
Carrots 2rows 4/8/2007 Out +
Verbena 2 4/8/2007 Out +
Orn. Oregano 2 4/8/2007 Out +
Peas 10 4/8/2007 Out -

June 2006

2006-06-19T19:24:00.000-06:00

May of Last Year

2006-06-17T19:08:00.000-06:00

In May of 2006, my wonderful mom and dad came to visit and we spent a week renovating my yard. I am so thankful for them!

These pictures are obviously before we started our projects.

Where I'm from...

2006-01-05T21:02:00.000-07:00

WHERE I'M FROM
I am from crashing waves, from rocky paths and the smell of pine.
I am from the rooms built by my father's hands, carefully chosen antique treasures and creativity in bloom.
I am from the lavender rustling as you pass, the pine trees creaking in the wind and snow covered mountain tops.
I am from a fern called the Candy tree and wearing green on St. Patrick's Day, from baby chicks chirping and waking up at dawn to bottle feed orphaned calves, from Eva and Irene, from Adams and Dohoney.
I am from stubborness and adventure.
From "you can do anything you put your mind to" and "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".
I am from proud Catholics and strong Episcopalians, from Jesus Northwest, Nightwatch and singing Carmen and Toby Mac songs at the top of my lungs.
I'm from the Emerald City, the Snoqualmie Valley, View Park Road and the Land of Enchantment.
From clam bakes on a stone covered beach and huge family gatherings, freezing cold River Runs and Halloween extravaganzas.
I am from love and commitment to God and family.